Awakening Now

How To End Seeking. A Self Inquiry Session

• Ilona Ciunaite • Episode 58

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If you are seeking and want to know how to end the seeking, this episode is for you. 
If you want to see the truth and are ready, watch this and follow along.

Welcome to this self-inquiry session with Omar. We dive right into it. Use this recording for your own inquiry. Pause the audio, and answer the questions by yourself before continuing to listen. This way you can focus on the question and find your own answer. 

Warning: If you get an intense feeling of fear while watching this, take it slowly, it’s ok. It’s expected. 

I use direct pointing method, which consists of asking direct questions so the answer may reveal itself. 

If you need assistance with your inquiry come to Liberation Unleashed where you can register for a free account and get a volunteer guide free of charge. Or if you need my support, send me an email through my website which is 

http://www.IlonaCiunaite.com I’ll be happy to help. 

Liberation Unleashed
Http://www.liberationunleashed.com

Ilona's Facebook page
https://www.facebook.com/markedeternal

Liberation Unleashed book is available on Amazon. 
https://www.amazon.com/Liberation-Unleashed-Breaking-Illusion-Separate/

#awakeningnow #ilonaciunaite #howtoendseeking #selfinquiryquestions #liberationunleashed #seeingthroughselfillusion

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Podcast 
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Music by Valdi Sabev, Visit his channel for more calm and relaxed music 
https://www.youtube.com/c/ValdiSabev/featured

Websites
http://ilonaciunaite.com
http://liberationunleashed.com

Welcome to the show.
This is episode 58. how to stop seeking. a self inquiry session.

If you are seeking and want to know how to end the seeking, this episode is for you. 
If you want to see the truth and are ready, watch this and follow along.

Welcome to this self-inquiry session with Omar. We dive right into it. Use this recording for your own inquiry. Pause the audio, and answer the questions by yourself before continuing to listen. This way you can focus on the question and find your own answer. 

Warning: If you get an intense feeling of fear while watching this, take it slowly, it’s ok. It’s expected. 

I use direct pointing method, which consists of asking direct questions so the answer may reveal itself.  hello Omar

hello great to connect again yeah yes really wonderful thank you so much for uh taking the time to meet with me well so I'm curious I'm curious where you are at the moment in this recognition seeking what's going on um I feel like I have been uh really investigating this uh like almost every day

and it somehow it feels like uh um like I feel like every time I investigate Things become a little bit more clear it's like they're becoming just a bit more clear and then there's there's been several moments it's like oh okay okay and then I feel like I'm seeing a little bit clearer than before but I still feel like there's something I'm missing and it feels like the way I was thinking about it is like as if there was like this Veil over my eyes and it's like almost transparent it's like I can kind of see shapes moving on the other side but it's not completely clear yet and I just want to like I just want to see I just want to see but I I cannot fully see yet and yet I kind of keep circling it's like I keep approaching I feel like I'm close to the truth but I'm not seeing it yet it's great place to be uh yeah yeah okay a and I I also feel that like the more I investigate it's like things have start become clear in my life it's like I feel lighter like definitely there's this like problems are resolving themselves in a way like problems I had even for many years suddenly are like feel lighter so uh it's good but I still feel like I'm not there yet okay okay okay so let's let's look at that Veil you like to look through the veil but let's look at the veil and I'm going to say a few words here okay and then you're going to start noticing what's going on in you yeah yeah okay so we're going to just yeah approach it head on like okay right here right now and see what happens yeah don't don't wait for anything see the thing is when you are seeking you are looking for something yeah FOR

yeah yeah yeah and that is in a way of seeing what is yes so as you said you notice that the veil arises some kind of veil and you're trying to look through the veil looking for something else but it's the veil that is here that wants to be seen uhuh okay so everything is so close so close everything is so close that as soon as we look a little bit a tiny bit further we are not looking at what is what is requiring attention yes yes that makes a lot of sense okay so there is no separate self there never was a separate self there was never a doer a chooser a decider there was never anyone here managing life outside of Life happening there has always been just life happening there has always been this flow that is effortless free and it's exactly this right here right now

 nobody's in charge nobody's managing there's nobody outside of life looking at life there's nobody outside of life making life happen there's nothing other than this let's call it life call it 
this call it reality whatever you want

 for some reason it makes me want to cry yeah it's okay this yeah it's always been just live flowing freely as experiences as thoughts as Sensations as color and sound as

senses as everything it's nobody doing that nothing is doing

it's freeflow

I feel like I can't say anything after that what can I say is there a but or resistance or something like oh no this can't be that's what we're looking for is there a veil

 I feel like at the beginning when I thought about this there was a lot of resistance and like a fear uh arising but I have be but I have been work like uh thinking about this and looking and looking and now it feels like like there's two parts like one and it's like before they were kind of merged together like this there was this immediate reaction of a thought saying like what do you mean I'm not in control of course I'm in control yada yada yada and and now it's like I can see that but I can see that it's a thought and then I can see that there's this other thing which is just life happening and so it's like that resistance kind of softened uh because I can see that there are two different things like one thing is like the story that that kind of comes and one thing is just what is happening and somehow what you say about what is happening just feels very true like it's true that is kind of Just Happening and is nobody's making it happen

uh but I feel like yeah let's hear the but I let's see it but it's like it's like I feel like com a pond and and for some reason all these analogies come to me but I feel like I'm in a pond and now I'm just looking I'm finally like seeing the pond like I can kind of see it but I'm not I haven't like completely stepped into the Pond yet like uh like

U uh there's still yeah there's like like a tiny bit of of like resistance or fear of or like and so many stories like you know I really want to be a good person or improve myself or do the right thing or whatever and then if I accept that it's just life happening then I like uh I don't know like I would lose that mission or whatever it is a well everything has always been the same yeah that feels very true there is only Pond and it's behind you look at that in the picture that's so cute anyway there is only this there's never been anyone who could be outside of the pond there's nobody that can come into the pond yeah there's always been just a pond

why is it so

scary let's look at that fear it's like the self is afraid to die or something yeah let's look at that fear it's okay where do you feel it where in the body is that sensation it's like in the chest it's like a tightness in the chest

Just Close Your Eyes for a little bit and feel it it's okay to feel it it is safe to feel it notice that

yeah let it be tell that emotion or that energy I see you I see you you're here you're

welcome thank you for what you're doing for me thank you for

protecting yeah and what is there behind that sensation what is there that this fear is guarding or protecting just take a look a little bit

I don't know I think what comes to mind is that the world is such a scary place it's like things are never what they should be and somehow it's like somehow this self or this wanting to control is tied to this this idea that

uh that I don't know this maybe sounds a bit strange but that things are not good but at least at least I can be good myself like I can make good myself like everything else is obviously just dangerous and confusing and nobody knows what's going on but okay but at least I have this tiny bit of control to make things good I don't know yeah okay let's look at that who is there the ones things good who is there

who said that it is good and doesn't want to lose this goodness this is just a thought I guess have a look till you know don't guess okay who said that wants to be good and does not want to lose goodness

yeah it's like a like a story or like a thought

right yeah it's like a story there's a story mm are you the

story I don't know what I am but definitely not a story no I don't know what I am I I was also this I had like this so felt like a realization yesterday because you know I just most of the time most during the time during the day I'm just I have this story about me living my life and I have these things I want to accomplish and these things I want to avoid and and it it really and also the culture right it's like we're so used to thinking about we are this little entity doing things and it really feels like like I'll just give you a silly example like you know maybe I'm I'm trying to date or trying to find a partner or whatever and it really feels like like I'm on this like I'm choosing freely choosing to do this and I'm like going through this whole process or whatever and then I thought about and then it's like I just thought about it and it's like I didn't decide any of this like I didn't decide to like females or to want crave female company or whatever it's like it's all kind of a process just because of biology or whatever because the species needs to continue or whatever but it's so interesting that I didn't choose any of it and yet I'm I'm in my story it is like I'm free to pursue this whatever dating and find the woman that I really want to blah blah blah but it's so it's so strange but you know what I mean yeah like you see it happening but it's not a doing it's a happening yeah it's like I take ownership of it of it but I didn't you don't even take ownership of it you see the ownership happening

yeah like a story yeah so there's a story the story is About Me main character me yeah and it's being told from the first perspective yeah but are you creating the story or are you hearing the

story uh I don't think this me exist there's a story about me right yeah yeah but I don't think that's what's actually going on like the story is going

on obviously I I can experience the story because I experience these thoughts but it's like the story is just a story and what's going on is just is different it's what's going on it's just what's going on it's so it's so weird this is all so

weird yeah you know like if you go to Orchestra just to listen to some music and in the orchestra there are many many instruments like this and that and the other and you can tune in and listen just to one instrument yeah or the other instrument and then you can listen to the whole music and just yeah pay more attention to everything yeah and in the end all this piece is music like whatever we're calling that experience is music yeah so this this experience is also like there sound there are colors Sensations yeah smell taste feelings emotions thoughts images it's like the whole experience that's like music the whole experience and then we can tune in into like oh just visual or just listen and everything else is still there in the background but it's not you pay you're not paying attention to it or feel your feet and then you notice the feet and all the thoughts all the stories and the story is like a vocal singing the song everything is going on but this song is like oh this vocal so nice but the whole thing is the music it's just flowing

frely so the whole thing is about seeing this seeing the music like seeing the whole picture seeing that the voice in the head or the narration that is going on is part of the music but it's not making the music it's part of the music it's showing up it's happening on its own by itself but it's not controlling anything because I think there's still the the wish that it will go away like there's this maybe a bit of still a bit of an expectation that it will stop oh the thoughts will stop or the story or whatever and then I will go to a different reality where where will be peaceful or something uh but I guess what what you're saying is that uh it won't it won't no the reality is already

this then what am I doing looking for a fantasy looking how reality will fit into your little tiny fantasy how it should be but it is as it is yeah it is as it is yeah and it's so much more than what the little mind can imagine

yeah so what is lost is just a belief in a fantasy that's all that's the price just a believe in a fantasy yeah it's so

weird it's just weird I just find it weird but at the same time no at the same time it's it's like it makes it makes perfect sense in some way

 is the fear still

there I think it's less less and less fear is actually a good sign cuz fear is like alarm it's saying oh don't go there you haven't been there before you don't know what will happen what if this happens and we don't know what to do yeah just it's just a landmark a sign like yeah that's it that's where we go you see what's behind what's behind the veil or fence or wall and what's here it's already here

yeah yeah it's already here

 I think there is still like a layer of identification in the like it's not as loud like it's getting quieter and quieter but it's still like a a bit of owning still happening so what do you own

 I don't know life your own life?

thank you I'm not sure I want to own something

yeah what do you own my life my life oh your life when was this life given to

you when I was born

 yeah I don't know how how how I have this life 

it's so stupid to say I own life

like obviously I don't own life like what you

what do I own

 like myself uhuh great like a self that's inside of life ahuh so what is what is the self that you own and what is the owner it can do things it can move and it can make decisions so what is the self that can make decisions

no it's like a story it's like a story yeah

 but I I feel like I don't know how to live without that story that story doesn't go anywhere you just know that it's a story

 I I really like this Santa character you know Santa

Claus yeah did your parents made you believe that he's real yeah I remember my dad was so annoyed when I was like I don't know seven or something cuz I was like asking him all these questions like how is it that he gets to deliver a gift to every chill child in the world like I was just really budgering him to like explain everything logically to me until he gave up and it's like okay it's not real it's not real just stop asking questions oh wow so what happened to this Santa then I think I was just pissed at my parents I was like so sad mhm maybe because I already knew like maybe I kind of knew that it wasn't real but I was pissed that my parents had made it up or something yeah I was angry too because I realized that parents lie to me yeah like come on you you are two people I should trust and you are lying to me about yeah something and then I go in a school and everyone knows that I believe something

story that is not true yeah how bad is that yeah but what happened to the Santa to the real Santa what happened to the real Santa

 nothing I believe was never there right so the story of Santa still exist we can talk about Santa we have Christmas with

Santa we can have feelings about Santa but you know that Santa is not real oh God that's so weird 
 Santa doesn't go anywhere he was never there that's weird I know the self is like Santa so weird

yeah the self is not there but I feel like

like I feel like the

my relationship to the self is changing

because yeah I feel like I'm more able to see life and to see how the self is like a story that the mind is creating but I'm still I still don't see that it's not real completely like before maybe it was everything like all of my world was colored to the story and now it's like okay that's just like a tiny bit of life but that tiny bit still feels real somehow like I don't even know what it means to say self is not real okay when we when we say word self it's a abbreviation the full thing would be a separate self in control of

Life a separate self in control of life or person that we assume ourselves to be in control of life

but I mean something makes decisions right like like this arm is just not it's not moving on its own like there is a or or if I have to make a a choice like whatever if I okay let's play this little tiny tiny exercise okay imagine here in my hands there there is a blue pill and a red pill blue pill and a red pill just for fun yeah okay so do you choose the blue pill or the red pill uh let's say I choose a red pill the red pill okay yeah now you chose it and you say I chose this it's yeah I chose it yeah how did that choice happen

uh yeah I don't know something a thought came that I want the red pill yeah so decide some things I'm going to pick something came man then the word say red and then yeah I chose this now if the word say if the thought comes in and says blue you would still say I chose this yes but it's a story so how the choice happens it happens there is a situation there is there there are exits out of situation so the the answer is already embedded in the situation and then whatever feels right you feel something a thought comes in a sensation comes in the words come out and then the ownership is over the top I chose this it doesn't matter what it's chosen or not so so that I chose this is added on

 yeah I feel like this is the hardest hard for me

because like a big part of the story of the self is

about this I guess this ability to decide and take responsibility for what you decide and and all of these things and

Ha it's like

 it's like there's this thought that it would be like cheating like if I say if I say well I'm not control uh I mean it's just life happening so I mean well so then I could just do whatever I want because it's just life happening I don't have to take responsibility for anything I could just go out and do whatever I want you know I can be a criminal or I can uh uh do drugs or I can kill people well I'm not gonna kill people but uh you know what I'm saying like a lot about the story feels like it's necessary because of kind of moral reasons like maybe this is also from childhood is like we are told that you have to behave in the right way and this is very important that you are a good person and that you do the right thing and all of this is part of the story of the self because you can decide like if you do bad or you do good then that's that's like the you're deciding something important so that is very

like I don't know how we would live without that let's break this down okay so so there is this little child born into a family and the family lives by their Rules by their code by their values and by their beliefs so that little child is absorbing and learning about environment about life about relationships about everything from early early days unconsciously so all this programming about being a good boy doing good things not hurting others and don't cry and life is hard imprinted it's good programming right programming is programming you know either it's helpful practical or or it's useless and in a way but it's program it's neutral it's not doing anything it's not an entity they just all these programs are running and they wouldn't stop running because you see that they are running on their own

so these programs don't change they were not in control

but what about so okay some of it is programming and maybe you have no say in it but what about later in life uh when you feel inspired by someone or whatever and you say well I really want to be this way because I find it inspiring in a in a good direction or whatever

see it's not about having control or not having control it's not about I had control and now I'm going to lose it it's not about that it's not about becoming powerless or no control no self-control or no responsibility or nothing it's not about that it's about seeing that there is nobody there to have or not to have control and there was never anyone there they to have not to have control and yet life goes on and things get

done and everything is happening 

like right here it now right here right now that's always the place to look for or at it it's right here right now

I don't I this thought came like I I feel

like it's a weird it's strange thought but I feel like so much about that yeah that conditioning to be good is is really about punishment I mean not not all of it but a lot of it is like if you're not good then you'll be punished and this is how you learn and then there's this thought in my head like well if there is no nobody to be punished how like if there's no self that can be punished how are you going to learn you know it's so cruel actually it's really cruel thought

uh I hear you and it's an old program the fear of being punished or fear of doing wrong or fear of making a mistake fear of failing fear of being wrong because yeah if you're not good you're not going to get love it's like we internalized I mean I inter I've internalized these things

yeah oh God

so the mind creates this image in mind in the mind in the imagination there is an image of perfection of being a good person

 I don't really want to be a good person

 but that's kind of prison

 well it's really saying I'm not good enough

yeah it's true what if you already good enough what do you what if you already are preapproved you're here experiencing life experiences what is what it's like to believe that you are not enough or that you need to be good to deserve love your own love oh my God that's such an insane story

I can't believe I've been living with that my whole life that's such an insane story so cruel oh my God

why are we like this like humans why do we do this to our us to our children and to everyone we don't know any better yeah it's inocent

 that's the thing with the patterns or this programming or conditioning is that it runs unconsciously and we don't know we don't know until we see it and when we see it if it's not helping it falls away you can't harm yourself

consciously can't do something that is not working consciously yeah

yeah so it's like I can be a good person but I don't need the story about oh what if you're already

good yeah

what if you are enough as you are what if you are authentic unique you feel and express and everything is valid and it's true to you and that's absolutely enough it's freedom it's so liberating and it's so liberating for others as

well so when the mind creates an image says oh this image is me this image needs to be maintained perfected and it has to be perfect anything other than that is wrong and there is something wrong with me and I have to try hard and seek and Achieve

and it's very heavy how much energy is going into maintaining an

image but when the Mind sees actually it knows long time ago that that image is not reality that image is not what you are but for it to play its game it has to be believed otherwise game over you're free you're free to express and live and enjoy and cry and be sad and be angry

and whatever is coming up in a moment authentically uh

and honestly what these programs that are already installed they continue running you're not going to get out of character and go start doing crazy things I know yeah so the fear of the fear that is controlling that is not needed

this feels so good for some reason it's like feel like I was taking a shower or something like I feel like it's cleaning yeah cleaning out so much stuff yeah so everything that is no longer working helpful needed everything that is in a way of expressing feeling authentically truly is very very welcome to just fall away effortlessly on its own just like leaves of the tree in the Autumn poof it's not needed it falls away wow wow I never realized I had so much

Freedom yeah it's like I've been putting myself in a cage for years for no reason

like I just put myself there you didn't

 that cage was given yeah and the door is given too and it's always been there because we are don't stay in the cage don't look through the door you look through the door you don't know what will happen we'll never approach that door until something from Beyond starts knocking and says come come there is there is another way that that longing or that the Desire for freedom of Truth starts knocking and says come let's look at it you don't have to stay in this prison there is no prison

I don't know what to say

I like this uh little quote by Rumi and it's so short and sweet it says "why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open"

it's about this and you don't have to

I don't know what to say yeah okay just feel just notice what's going on in the body whatever wants to happen it's already happening

yeah

yeah it's okay to let it all go away that story is not you

I just I feel so sad for everyone else like everybody was also living in this prison

I don't understand

sorry right

how do I know if I if I when I'm [Laughter] Done when I've seen no self I don't know

[Laughter] well when you know you know nobody can tell you it's like come on this is so obvious how could I ever believe something else that's that's how you know I feel like everything is becoming clearer and clearer but I don't know what's the end of the the the process

it's just a beginning

well it's a good beginning too yeah okay there is more opening more and all more and more really yeah it's just the

beginning like welcome to the ride of your life time

wow

yeah there's a continuous let's say

integration continuous expansion continuous realization deepening

but for now don't don't even think about that just let this

settle in

and everything is unfolding on its own by itself already so don't need to do anything about it what needs to come comes what needs to Fall Away Falls away what needs to stay stays

but you are here

see the colors are here sounds are here everything is here you are here you're seeing it experiencing it feeling it 

I don't know what to say

nothing dies no one dies nobody loses control

cause nobody was there

nobody was there but like decisions were being made and and they will continue being made of course they will continue being made yeah situation arises there are exits this that or there and you know which one is right and then it's happening

that doesn't change nothing

changes see if I was saying to you that I am controlling the weather I am moving the clouds I am making them rain I know which cloud in which place at what time it's going to rain how much water and you tell me you know what this is just stupid it's nature nature knows what to do and it's not needing in need of any controllers but I was in no no I am doing this I am look at that there's a cloud now I'm going to move it that way because it's moving that way it's easier right I'm moving it that way you say no no it's just moving and then I'm going like huh true it is just moving I didn't lose control I never had

it it was always nature forces of nature laws of nature

everything is already happening the belief on top of it all says and I'm doing this but if you take that belief off nothing changes everything is still

happening

yeah yeah

and these thoughts may still come up and it's fine you see them as thought an old Story coming up to be seen

it feels weird living without this story it's it's been like the lens that I've seen everything through for so many

years so let this settle and let's meet again maybe in a week or something and we'll we see how this settles and what else needs to be seen

okay  uh thank you so much Ilona really I don't know what to say thank you so much thank you thank you for doing

this you're very welcome and thank you everyone for watching if you have

questions now put them in the comments that's okay Omar if this is too 
personal for you we don't have to post it honestly I don't care anymore yey I mean I really don't care I really don't maybe a month or something I would have been subconscious but I I really don't care well thank you so much for your openness to share this yeah I hope it can help someone okay and I'll see you next than by thank you bye