
Awakening Now
Join Ilona Ciunaite as she explores self-inquiry, inner peace, and conscious awareness of the present moment. This podcast is for a spiritual seeker who is looking for spiritual awakening and is in the process of the inner journey.
Ilona Ciunaite is an awakening guide, an author, and a co-creator of the Liberation Unleashed community. Over the past 13 years, she has been guiding and supporting seekers on their journeys to discover inner peace and freedom through self-inquiry.
In this podcast, Ilona dives deep into the heart of awakening. Together with her guests, she explores the pivotal moments that spark transformation, what life looks like before and after the shift, and how to navigate the challenges and beauty of living an awakened life.
Ilona invites you to answer questions based on your own experience. She points to what is here right now.
Awakening Now
Stuck On Spiritual Path? The hidden Illusion of Separation Is Blocking Your Awakening
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**đź”® Loosen Your Grip: Break the 30-Year Tension and Step Into Fearless Presence**
Have you spent decades clenching your fists, bracing your shoulders, and policing every emotion so you do not hurt anyone or lose control? This **50-minute live inquiry** follows two courageous seekers who expose the illusion behind lifelong tension, confront the fear of “going crazy” if they relax, and discover a somatic shortcut that dissolves anxiety at its root. If white-knuckle self-control is stealing your peace, let this session guide you back to the calm center that never leaves.
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### 📌 What You Will Learn
• Why the body locks down to stop so-called dangerous emotions
• The single question that makes chronic contraction pause instantly
• How the illusion of control feeds anxiety, burnout, and people-pleasing
• A safe-to-feel exercise that disarms panic in real time
• Door 1 Seeing thought-storms as passing weather
• Door 2 Allowing raw sensation to peak and dissolve
• Practical boundaries for empaths feel your feelings without drowning in others
Music by Valdi Sabev, Visit his channel for more calm and relaxed music
https://www.youtube.com/c/ValdiSabev/featured
Websites
http://ilonaciunaite.com
http://liberationunleashed.com
Welcome to the show! This is episode 95. Stuck on Spiritual Path? The Hidden Separation Illusion Blocking Your Awakening
My name is Ilona Ciunaite. I am a guide, an author, and a co-creator of the Liberation Unleashed community. If you are interested in all things awakening, this podcast is for you. Over the past 13 years, I’ve been guiding and supporting seekers on their journeys to discover inner peace and freedom.
In this podcast, I dive deep into the heart of awakening. Together with my guests, we explore the pivotal moments that spark transformation, what life looks like before and after the shift, and how to navigate the challenges and beauty of living an awakened life.
Have you spent decades clenching your fists, bracing your shoulders, and policing every emotion so you do not hurt anyone or lose control? This **50-minute live inquiry** follows two courageous seekers who expose the illusion behind lifelong tension, confront the fear of “going crazy” if they relax, and discover a somatic shortcut that dissolves anxiety at its root. If white-knuckle self-control is stealing your peace, let this session guide you back to the calm center that never leaves.
my most burning feelings are that I don't you know I don't want to feel good now i want to learn what will help me feel good always and so my mind is like spinning spinning in all the directions um but I'm listening i guess the three main things that are coming up for me is like when I was reading um your stuff and the book and looking at the website and stuff um so three main like probably like beginner questions of like um you know who are we all talking to here and who are the instructions for and who's doing the looking and then the other thing is like um if really you know there's no person then why do we get this particular body and mind to be attached to for this lifetime um why aren't we just like floating around as free air and then also about experiencing physical pain um once we are no longer identified as this body why do we feel stuff in the body and then just about victimhood of like okay maybe I guess for me there's still a sense of being like a witness in other words I get that like okay maybe I'm not doing the thinking maybe I'm not doing the stuff maybe like walking is happening right now and talking and all this but I am still the one who's experiencing it and there's still it's not fun for me here and no matter all the gratitude and all the um stuff I try to be a better person but the overwhelming experience is of fear of contraction of despair of hopelessness i keep trying trying it rises up it rises up it tries to find an answer it tries to um be happy and then again it sinks into despair and hopelessness and there's always an undercurrent of fear um I'm in a park now and there's a dog park and like a dog is let off and it's fear but it's always there because the body's always jumpy always ready to be afraid and um I guess I don't know does that disappear once we see what you guys have all seen or is that something you just deal with and you don't mind so much afterwards um but it's just it's not so much fun for me here i don't like it and I don't know what to do about it and then I feel very very guilty all the time because like hey there's grass why can't you just be grateful hey you're alive and you're relatively okay like so it's like um I can't find a way to be at peace and free from that like I'm never at rest even at night I'm clenching i'm like I wake up like this okay what's now like it's like there's not um a rest there's not a freedom there's not a peace that is lasting and there's moments of peace but like even being with you guys I could feel oh I could melt into the heart but like I know that the second I hang up it's going to be "Oh my god oh my god there's dogs oh my god my life oh my god my health oh my god this oh my god that." And it's very uncomfortable yeah yes I hear you i hear you so much yeah
yeah thank you for sharing
Tami there's nothing wrong with you or your
experience and that that peace that you're waiting for is calling it's calling it's saying "Wow there is something something there worth taking for looking for searching for
but it cannot happen like
that well you can have glimpses you can have experiences you can have recognitions but all that is not resolved yet is waiting to be
resolved and whatever you're feeling is exactly what you need to be feeling right now
so there is no
way to delete that or get rid of that but we can meet that and invite it to resolve and then little by little there's more and more peace when the space is cluttered with all the questions with all the emotions with all the stuff that is unfelt there is no peace
there's no
space so it's a big job luckily there's a shortcut the shortcut is seeing that there's nobody here that question who is not pointing to anything there's nobody here seeing that first kind of helps to deal with the with the old stuff because it opens a bit of a distance i'm here not as this entanglement i'm here as a presence as a space as this beingness words no longer needed for that it's felt it's known so for you where to start for you to start this what are you feeling right now what is here right now then we can look at that would you like that um yeah so you're saying like should we look at like the thoughts that are wrong or the feeling like what do you like to explore like do I bring all my questions or do I okay what whatever is here see like in the beginning there are lots of questions Mhm the first stage is to get the mind to relax the second stage I would say is to go through all these feelings that arises the energies the contractions emotions then there is more space for silence and still stuff comes up when it it's being met so yeah whatever is most important right here right now what comes into mind or into heart whatever it is it's welcome i guess it's fear um the two main fears are fear of relaxing uhhuh because I'm afraid of who I'll be and I'm afraid of hurting people and being out of control oh how interesting yeah very interesting uh let's give this to the mind let's say you you buy shoes and they are very very uncomfortable but you keep wearing them and you got used to them your feet are hurting but you keep walking in them and you it's like ah that's me that's my personality i wear these shoes of pain and that's how I am and if I take them off I don't know maybe I'll be uncontroll uncontrollable maybe I'll hurt people like you know as if this pain is part of you or if that discomfort is some something that you identify with but you are here with and without that discomfort and you are not going to go crazy and start hurting people because you are happy so it's okay to take these shoes off and they're not going to be missed
I guess I guess it's I feel that my body is contracted all the time to prevent it from doing bad things like from doing bad things like I'm contracted all the time do bad things
um it's more like I'm contracted at home because otherwise I'll make inadvertently noise for the neighbors or when I'm when I'm near but that's like a tiny thing but like when I'm near people often I'm near very unpleasant people I'm afraid I'll scream at them or slap them like or yell at them and blow up my life in other words I'm very extremely controlled and kind and patient and loving and that's because I hold myself really really tight all right so how does it feel to be in this um restraining jacket how does it feel
it's not a fun life but I'm proud that I'm patient and kind instead of out of like I'm afraid I'll be either like just unkind or a psychopath or maybe lunatic you know what I mean like in my response to everyone yeah so who gave you these ideas where that these ideas are from who gave you them i guess maybe by the strength of the emotion I feel I'm holding back and also by the way everyone else around me does respond and they don't restrain themselves and I'm afraid of becoming like them or worse
so it's like I want freedom but I'm not going to allow myself freedom because I don't know what will happen yeah and it's better to be a little bit constricted than a lot sorry like of blowing up my life you know and and now you're not sorry living this constricted lives it's pretty hellish but you know it could be worse if I hurt others then I would never forgive myself if I'm hurting myself it's okay oh wow and wow let's acknowledge that it's okay to hurt myself it's not okay to hurt
Yeah and being out of control would not be kind to myself either i want to be the person I want to be you know what I mean are you
yes and no right yes and no so maybe that control doesn't really work
it works to some extent but I'm not free and I'm not
um yeah so can have freedom and control i mean what is freedom in your in your definition what does it mean to be free my muscles will relax and my heart will be happy and I won't feel afraid all the time of messing up my life or hurting people like I'll just be happy and confident and and again my muscles will be at rest and relaxed but I can breathe that that sounds terrible that sounds really scary to me like God know if I'll be relaxed oh no no that's too scary for
me and what's more painful to see what it's like to be free or to never see what it's like and continue to the end of days for this
contractiveness yeah I feel I'm getting older i'd like to try something new before I die
okay so what's the worst can happen if you are free what's the worst that may happen if you if you're free relaxed and enjoying life i don't know if I'd enjoy i'm afraid I'd become one of those crazy people you know that scream at everyone like um you know just go around screaming at people like "Why are you letting your dog off the leash?" And why are you hitting your kid and don't speak to me that way like just one of these people that go around outrage at the world and screaming and hitting people i don't that I'll just totally lose it um
does that happen or lose my mind or does that happen often in your life um internally yes externally i'm the Dalay Lama so why would that start happening then
um again because I'm holding the muscles very tight it's like a horse that's rained in you know what I mean i'm like ripping on the rains all the time and if I let go this horse is going to woo go wild oh wow you know what yes that's the fear i hear you but the funny thing is there is no control there's one thing to control there's no control
what do you mean there's one thing to control wanting meaning desire oh wanting idea that I'm controlling i want to control mhm
so it's not like something you can lose something you never had
yeah I guess just ambivalence about the muscular contraction but you're saying I'm not doing it are you are you doing that on purpose or it's something that is showing up naturally for you now like every day automatically i don't I have control over about 10% and the other 90% like I can meditate for five hours and it's like the doorbell will ring and it's back to the 100% contraction like it's really not so voluntary yeah it's automatic because that's how how the body responds to the thoughts and to the ideas that you have and even those are automatic
so feeling bad about myself and feeling I failed my life and why haven't I understood all this yet why am I not at peace yet this is just automatically happening
yes my cat is screaming automatically stop it shut
up i think she wants to go out now no
yeah she's crying i have this story from a client it's crazy but every time she was flying she would be sitting in a chair in a plane and she would work she starts working her job is to keep the plane up in the air because if she's not going to work the plane is going to crash so imagine a long flight just like working holding keeping the plane in the air keeping the plane in the air keeping the plane in the air all all the time and not just when she was flying she she was doing that the same when her family or friends are flying like she took the responsibility to keep the plane in the
air it's like that it sounds like me yes I really feel that way yeah it's like if I don't if I don't tense up if I don't work if I don't keep myself straight everything is going to fall apart the plane is going to crash now does the plane know about that care about that does that obsessive thinking make any change for the brain
i guess when I've tried to not work on the plane there's turbulence and it bounces and I say "Oh you see you got to start working again." In other words life doesn't go in certain ways or people suffer or the people around me are not taken care of and so I feel I need to step in but um yeah yeah but turbulence sometimes happens it doesn't matter hold the plane up in the air or not turbulence happens
there is no way to control
I so it's actually okay to take these issues of pain bye-bye and see what happens because nothing changes nothing changes and is there any way to get over this existential fear because truly as you say anything can happen in every moment there's no control so of course this squishy little body is going to be afraid of dogs and people and drones and just the simplest things people pushing you or is it not worse things yes yes so I'm saying how do we is there a way to get over that fear or does or is that something we have to live with as long as the body is in this world oh no see okay let's look at the mechanism of all of that the mind as a good guy takes the job of a protector and it protects from feeling that happened in the past that was uncomfortable so whatever experiences we had in the past there is this feeling that remembered or don't want to feel that in the future right so let's let's see if we can avoid that so the mind is going to predict what will happen and by predicting I mean it will think what's the next thing is going to happen to be ready to avoid that uncomfortable hearing that's the mechanism there is a past experiences there is imagined future it's all about not feeling uncomfortable not feeling that feeling that I don't want to feel because it's not safe to feel here's the twist it's not safe to feel but what if it if it's safe to
feel what if whatever you're feeling emotionally sensationally in the body is safe to
feel and now let's check it don't don't take my word on it whatever you're feeling right now is it safe to feel
well right now um like with lovely people who are present and earnest and quiet and care but like in the general world it's it doesn't feel safe to feel right and also like there's two there's two levels there's like the dog passing and I my body will just screech out loud which is like hey it's like a huge adrenaline and epinephrine i'm afraid I'll get like a heart attack from like the burst of shocks I feel at every tiny occurrence but also embarrassment at screeching out loud in front of people and like I then get like mortified and then there's like the other side of like you can get suicidally depressed and is that safe i don't know you can die and it's like when you're stuck in those deep depressions or anxieties or despairs I I don't know do you call that safe maybe it's safe but a you can die and b it's really really painful yes i don't know yes well what you said in the beginning right here right now it's safe to feel whatever is here now as soon as we acknowledge that the mind went for a trip into the future or the trip into imagined whatif scenarios this is where the unsafety is and it's going into the future or what if scenarios to create imagined safety well all it needs to do is to see right here and now in the moment if it's safe to feel what you feel this is the real safety right this is how that pattern can be broken sorry it doesn't matter doesn't matter is it safe to feel sad is it safe to feel grief is it safe to feel anger is it safe to feel fear you can check that for yourself like in real time in real life in real situations is it safe to feel what you're fearing not in imagined whatifs mhm because that's where then safety is safety is now and there's only now well if I start thinking about those things now I start to contract and it's extremely painful so safe is I don't know what safe is but it's very very painful it's not pleasant yes is it safe to feel that
just check then you can imagine it just check wherever you're feeling that contractions it's safe to feel it
well the mind starts to spiral and then the body gets worse and it could just be hours of horrendous suffering mhm and yet you are still here what's happening is it okay to feel it
i don't like it it's very painful oh it's not here to be liked i'm sorry it's not here to be liked it's not here to be comfortable it's It's here to be felt it's here to be seen acknowledged allowed it also wants freedom it also wants to breathe it's not here to hurt you it's here because it hasn't been allowed and it wants your
attention so maybe just a little bit like 10% or 20% allow that feeling and see if it's okay if it's safe to feel it now not in the future
now now mhm now yeah as I allow it it kind of gets worse sorry yes that's great supposed to go the other direction no no no it's not supposed to do anything you just want to see what is here as it is and here's another thing the emotion is a wave what is a wave a wave is something that rises up to the peak and it drops down right if that emotion was never allowed to reach the peak is still waiting here
suppressed tense frustrated he wants to go to the peak and leave but because he cannot go to the peak keeps being here until in time to time explodes or something happens that's why people get hurt but if that emotion is given enough space and attention to rise to the peak that's why it gets more intense oh it
drops so if I've been in a feeling for days or weeks or months is that the wave of it that it lasts for months or usually emotions would be shorter if I would allow it to peak right now there is an emotion there is also resistance there is a tug of war there's war happening between them so there is a way for it to open gently and softly and kindly so they can pick and leave and it seems like oh something is going to happen something is going to erupt and it's like poof but nothing happened but that emotion it needs your attention to fulfill its its uh way the attention without resistance like letting it be allowing it to be as it
is that's the key
take all these parts all these energies that haven't been allowed want to express be seen be allowed be acknowledged be loved so they can leave but if there is a slight slight thing that oh I'm going to sit here with you so that you get out of here doesn't work and do I need to understand it or analyze it or know what it is or name it or just feel whatever's coming up yeah just feel it and you can also communicate with it like ask it what do you want the most like do I need to know if it's fear anxiety or despair or anger do I need to know that if it wants to give its name it's fine otherwise can just see it as energy just energy it's not positive it's not negative it's it's here to be felt it's not here to be judged or analyzed it's here to be felt and see the mind is taking the position to protect you from feeling that energy so we'll do anything to interrupt yeah because raction oh it's not now it's too much anything it will throw anything not to not to let you feel that because it doesn't know that it's safe to feel but you can show it you can show it day by day in all different situations that it's safe to
feel i guess my experience was that I was for long long stretches of time in terrible terrible states and so I want to avoid getting back to such existential despair and depression i don't want that to happen again that was horrendous and so I'm always fighting always trying to lift lift myself up lift others up i'm terrified of anyone going there and of myself going there because I don't know by some miracle I got out of there alive but I don't know if that'll happen again i don't know how I how I survived that so I don't want to go back to such states and I feel it's my job to fight that every day yes and that's what keeps it coming and keeps it going and keeps pressure building up but maybe I'm some weird person that if I let go I'll get stuck in despair and anxiety you know what I mean maybe you guys are all like charmed people and like for me I'll sink you know what I mean yes but that that fear and anxiety and depression and everything wants to be met but see when you when you recognize that I am here as a space and these are just visiting this is not me this is not mine this is not what I am i am here as a hostess and these little children they are uncomfortable they're crying they want attention they innocent these energies are uncomfortable i'm here nothing can happen to me if they are coming up they just want my loving kind attention it's not dangerous see it's that that's the relationship what changes is the relationship with what
arises but just as this body is in my experience all the time and this persona maybe these emotions are going to be part of my experience at all times do you think I can become more free of them you think like they'll leave more and come less if I welcome them more or not necessarily i may just live with horrible emotions every day but I'll just have to welcome them and be with them it sounds like a full-time job well let's say you have a carriage full of stuff and you can't even open the door because stuff is falling out through the door as soon as you open a little bit and your job is to empty it so in the beginning it's a lot the more you do it the more the space there is the easy it is the more your system learns how to meet that it's okay that it's safe the key here it is safe to feel in whichever in whatever intensity in whichever depth that emotional energy comes in you are safe
so you think it's like a suitcase that will empty out if I recognize it rather than like this is life and I just have to everyday face these difficult emotions you think it's something that can empty out yeah yeah like right let's say this is the emotion that mind is protecting from not to be felt but it's okay to feel it and it opens up it doesn't have to protect from this anymore next one comes in that opens up right that's sorted the next one comes in that's sorted and it becomes kind of like a treasure hunt in a way because you see that it works when you see that it works it's like okay bring it on I'm not afraid anymore come on whatever whatever else is ready come in so life continues and stuff happens But that backlog of all these repressed depressed neglected emotions is carried on like on a heavy backpack that needs to be dealt with needs to be met not dealt with like I'm going to sort it out to get rid of but oh come on please there is space for you too you're welcome you're good in that kind of way and then things start shifting
and when you say that life continues so that means that these things keep on arising every day even once it's emptied life means difficult things arise whatever is resolved is resolved new things coming up
or resolved means it doesn't rise up again or I'm just not afraid when it does yes it doesn't rise up again yes let's say you have a painful relationship with your mom and if that's resolved you don't think about your mom every day anymore or even if you think about her it's like "Ah sweet i love my mom." And [ __ ] happened yes it did happen but it doesn't affect you anymore
but you know something else happens and then there's new stuff to look at but it's only horrible in the beginning because that cleanup operation has to happen and nobody wants to do that the whole the whole thing of predicting how not to feel that is is this the opposite of cleanup mhm but it the mind is innocently doesn't know that it's not really helping it wants to help it thinks it's but it's not it thinks it's controlling but these emotions are not gone they are just
suppressed so there is no quick fix but there is day by day let's say you give yourself half an hour every day just to feel what the heart wants to feel no matter what just allowing it to feel allowing it to be seen acknowledging it honoring it cuz none of these emotions are here to to hurt you or to punish you they are uncomfortable they want freedom you are the one that can give attention for them to free themselves
and is this better done with someone sure i would say 100% better because at least in the beginning because it's so easy to get into these stories into loops that when somebody's here holding space for you may guide you gently out of that elaborate and definitely to do better to do find somebody who can hold space for you
thank you very very much yeah what were you saying uh I was saying and and once your system learns once your nervous system learns that it works and how it works then of course you can you you're good to go for yourself by yourself
so it doesn't look like all day when things come up we have to like go to the side and like talk to ourselves all day like it's enough well I mean it's not a quick change but it's a definite change and if you give yourself every day some time start from 10 minutes 20 minutes half an hour whatever give yourself space to feel what you feel without without um judgment good or bad yes it's uncomfortable but that's where your freedom is locked in that's where the space is in other words there's no fix of like I can see something and then I'll understand life and that I won't have to do this no no no that that's a dream of happy ever after it doesn't work like that so like seeing the truth or seeing that I'm not really a person that's not going to stop me in needing to do this work no no because there is no person already and yet all these patterns are here mhm and somehow this person seeing its own patterns dissolves them even though there's no person and there is no person seeing patterns you are seeing the patterns you as awareness you as a presence yeah the person is is just an idea it's if you look at the person what is that it's a collection a bundle of thoughts ideas memories hopes emotions and behaviors this person is here right that's not you mhm it's the programming it's the body's reaction it's the action that is taken out of that reaction it's not you so all these persons or personalities dissolve eventually when these hooks or these patterns are seen and the emotions that are locked in them felt
but yeah it's very very helpful to recognize first that you're not that you're not the mind you're not the body you're not emotion you're not sensation you are simply here present and all of this is arising
but sometimes sometimes first they need to be uh significant clearing to be able to see that because that that person that bundle is not giving up so easy it's going to throw a tantrum no don't look at me don't don't kill me if you look at me I'm going to die and all kinds of nonsense like that
yeah so you would say that I'm here as the witness and that's who you're talking to right now not even a witness just just present
okay that part I still don't get but as you said I think it'll take some time but thank you so much you're very welcome and you're welcome you know we can we can have a half an hour private conversation and if you like we can set up some sessions and we can work together for as long as you need okay thanks so much and thank you all you're welcome
yeah as many of you know and went through this
process yeah in the beginning it's
intense i'm still
going okay we have 10 minutes would anyone like to share or comment or say something okay uh I don't know if Yeah 10 minutes i had a question but I don't know if it'll be 10 minutes but um if I ask okay um so my my experience is the the actual opposite of the lady that spoke before so I feel everything full on and I don't resist it um so as a child I've always been very sensitive and um attuned to other people's emotions and energies and then through this process um there's been the seeing of the self structure and that's been softening so the the ego um isn't um getting in the way as much but there's still like a sense of a self even though uh now when there's something that comes up um whereas before I was identified with the thought where the thought was me now it's it's like uh I have a friend that follows me around but you know that the friend lies so you're just listening to it and you're and the friend will say something you're like that I don't believe that but it's you're just listening to it going "Okay dear whatever whatever you say." But I it's not I don't identify with it i'm starting to see that a lot of things behaviors and energies and emotions are um coping mechanisms that are starting to be seen through mhm and with that um because the coping mechanisms are are are leaving the feelings that the coping mechanisms were trying to suppress even though I didn't I I I I've always tried to feel my feelings but I didn't realize that these coping mechanisms were even in place it's they seem like just part of my personality until the personality structure started to soften yeah and now I'm like "Oh wow." like uh so I'm I'm questioning everything um energetically like am I a nice giving person or am I people pleasing like where's where's that energy coming from and I I sit at home I'm comfortable with feeling the feelings because I know that they they just need to feel so the feeling I don't know if I can swear in this but the the idea is just like what the [ __ ] universe like I'm at the point where like It's so much um so anxiety is is huge right now just this constant of anxiety and last week I had the first time where I actually sat with it fully and I said "Okay." And and I felt comfortable doing this by myself i said "Okay I will experience this anxiety full on let's go." And it's and it was like the whole body I was having trouble breathing but in a in a like control and it was it was interesting it and it did fade after a while but the the anxiety and this and this energy still all the time I am having trouble working because yeah feeling will come on and I will start crying in public it'll just because it it's so the with the whole self- structure and awareness I I I will um oh my gosh it's almost like a I'm in the world functioning as a human and then I will sometimes retract into like a sense of awareness where I'm not a human anymore like I'm just pure awareness and in that moment an emotion will come up and then it'll emote and and so I'm having trouble being a human it's that that whole relative and absolute sense and and just it's I'm feeling so much so intensely and I'm and I'm trying not to I'm not trying to fight it but it's really being I'm having trouble functioning yeah yeah see what you're saying feeling so much and so intensely that means your bandwidth is still holding the how much feeling are allowed through mhm so the idea here would be to expand more so that that stream of intensity is not pressing on the edges and not bringing in uh tension because there is enough space for everything right yeah because I I I I don't I don't have a mental I don't have a limitation of like I care what people think mhm i mean like if I I'm okay to like cry in public and have people look at me like "What is wrong?" I I don't care like I'll let it come out but it it it makes functioning in the relative world of you know and anger is not an emotion that resonates that's not how um when difficult emotions come up that for me it's tears and sadness that's the So I don't have a fear of like lashing out in anger that's not how I feel i don't mind what people think but I It never occurred to me to just like really really feel and I feel other people's energy i feel their sadness i feel and the the the I'm getting more
um there's senses of being oneness i've had that moment where I was in a crowded room and I felt I felt the oneness of like I was everybody it was just for a brief moment it happened only once but so I I I have this like empathetic like I can I can feel I I don't want to resist it and and separate myself but at the same time it's it's a lot of energy it's a lot of energy in the body it's okay to protect yourself it's okay to protect yourself it's okay to have boundaries for you okay to have your own that's the other thing i have trouble with boundaries i have trouble with with boundaries boundaries are for you saying no and and having people respect the no yeah when you are so wide open and you are feeling everyone's energies it may be very disrupting and yeah you can't function but what if what if you allow yourself give yourself permission to have your own space to have your own space your own like you don't you don't have to feel everyone's energies unless you want it because it's you who allows it in so I'm trying to visualize like having my boundary of my energy but at the same time not letting that boundary restrict my energetic emotional release so it's more of controlling what comes in but allowing the freedom to release out yes allowing freedom for yourself to feel what you feel and letting everyone else to feel what they feel it's not your job to feel their emotions yeah yeah i know that's that's definitely a coping mechanism of childhood of wanting everybody to Yeah well it's okay to feel it's a nice skill to have but for your own health and safety and your own Mhm wellbeing you are free you you you can have your own space for you and the the the the anxiety and the fear and the nightmares that I've had to just well as I spoke to the lady before is is just bringing the mind out of the pattern of prediction predicting what will be because the fear and anxiety is prediction what will be to feel in order to feel safe but you are safe already you are safe right now and you can play with that and you know every day many situations 100 times am I safe right now is it safe to feel what I'm feeling if the answer is no question is is that true
yeah it's always it's so peaceful to talk to you you know do you know that scene from the Matrix the first movie where he's getting shot and the the bullets are slow motion so when I'm talking to you I'm so present I'm so aware it's like everything and then the we turn off the thing and the bullets fall I'm like wait where was that beautiful but when I'm with you like you're just so present and so it's beautiful well that's the goats things can come in I'm here welcome welcome Welcome can't hit it when when it's welcome you can Yeah yeah i give you a hug
okay so yeah yeah i will practice that to have the boundaries so I don't feel other people's feelings but but allow my the emotions and the feelings to hear to just be fully yeah open your field to feel what you feel and you can close your field to protect yourself from other people's emotions when it's not appropriate mhm like you you are not an open house you have windows and doors can close them that's beautiful i'll try that thank you so much you're so very welcome thank you very much thank you thank you everyone for being here today thank you thank you yeah and the next meeting is on the 15th it's all about no self the illusion we can meet again in a month or keep looking and meanwhile if you want to connect you can always send me an email i can set up a session or two that's it well thank you everyone
yeah till next time thank you bye