The Truth About Awakening… and Why It Still Hurts / Part 2

How to recognise the truth about awakening, when there are so many people talking about it in various ways? Reach out to me for a guided session. https://bit.ly/4ozXGzj

In Part 2 of this heartfelt Deep Looking event, we go even deeper into meeting emotions head-on, dismantling old patterns, and uncovering the unshakable safety that’s always here.

You’ll witness real, raw moments where fear, embarrassment, and self-judgment rise to the surface and see how, with gentle awareness, these energies can be met, held, and transformed. This is an invitation to stop waiting for life to be “perfect” before allowing yourself to feel whole.

If you’ve ever felt “almost there” but not quite free, this conversation will bring fresh insight and deep reassurance.

Websites
http://ilonaciunaite.com
http://liberationunleashed.com

Transcript

You are listening to 
awakening now podcast. This is episode number 104
The Truth About Awakening… and Why It Still Hurts

My name is Ilona Ciunaite. I am a guide, an author, and co-creator of the Liberation Unleashed community. If you are going through the process of awakening, this podcast is for you. Over the past 14 years, I’ve been guiding and supporting seekers on their journeys to discover inner peace and freedom.

In this podcast, I dive deep into the heart of awakening. Together with my guests, we explore the pivotal moments that spark transformation, what life looks like before and after the shift, and how to navigate the challenges and beauty of living an awakened life.

In Part 2 of this heartfelt Deep Looking event, we go even deeper into meeting emotions head-on, dismantling old patterns, and uncovering the unshakable safety that’s always here.

You’ll witness real, raw moments where fear, embarrassment, and self-judgment rise to the surface and see how, with gentle awareness, these energies can be met, held, and transformed. This is an invitation to stop waiting for life to be “perfect” before allowing yourself to feel whole.

If you’ve ever felt “almost there” but not quite free, this conversation will bring fresh insight and deep reassurance.

Oh, great. Hello, Ellie. Yeah, I can relate so much to what Laura said. My heart is pounding like crazy now, but that's not why I raised my hand. And first of all, I want to say you thank you so much for all your work with Liberation Unleashed, for having founded it. Having gone through this dialogue has changed everything. So, thank you so so much. This means a lot. Thank you. Yeah.

And then I came here to the meeting just to be there and didn't have a question in mind but then it popped up maybe you are the the person who can relate and not the only one but maybe um because I just will just tell you what it's about and you will see why you maybe relate. I don't know. When I first came, let's say on this path, my entry point was was mindfulness like 15 years ago. Everything I consumed was in English. The books, the videos, the meditations. So because just I I like to read things in their native Yeah. in the original language about Buddhism about non-uality everything on this path was in English for me and that is not my native language and I had my liberation unleashed dialogue also in English and now I'm attending groups Vince's group mainly and everything is in English and it turned out for me. Yeah. I also chat with Vince's um discover awakening bot in English. Mhm. And there it turned out for me that it's not just a preference like or a habit to talk about these things in English and not in my native language. Mhm. But I have seen that the connection of my lang native language and uh these topics or this area or this is a big trigger. Oh. Mhm. And I know that the trigger is not the important thing. It's about what is being triggered. Mhm. And just yesterday I worked with this with the discover awakening bot and discovered a lot and I have ways to work with it. Mhm.

But yeah, I wanted to ask you if there is more to it. If it's just yeah, I have to work with what's being triggered and work this true and that's it. it or is there more to it that the native language itself is a trigger? And just for context, um I live in another country than my native country. So my I speak in Spanish in my daily life. Uh but I also use German daily because I teach it. Mhm. Um and when I speak about these things personally with someone my best friend in generally she isn't on this path path but there are certain uh aspect we as we can talk about I struggle only with the practical parts like in German there is no word for mind. Oh, why? There is no word for mind and and self and yeah, there is one, but it it just sounds wrong and I I struggle with this practical aspects, but it's not I'm not emotionally um triggered. But when I try to chat with the awakening bot in German, it's it feels really strange. And then I don't want to come back to the dialogue. And when I read the German um forum on LU Mhm.

I don't know. Something is triggered and it's it sounds all so strange and wrong and

Yeah, I hear you. Yeah, I hear you. Strange. Have you experienced something like that with your native language? Because I know that so much on this area in communication, international communication is in English and and Yeah. And then I don't know. I hear you. One, well, I was living in England. I'm from Lithuania, right? And when I went back there to visit and I had group meetings there, I couldn't speak Lithuanian about these because I didn't know words. I didn't know how they speak about this. I had no idea. It was so difficult. But somehow I, you know, went past that. Then I got another challenge. Then Russian people wanted to speak and I could speak Russian when I was at school, but for many years I didn't. So then it was like, "All right, how now I speak about this in Russian, it's even more difficult." But I just I'm just going to say what I'm going to say. But it it doesn't really matter the language. It's your energy that speaks.

Language is just what energy is being wrapped in a package.

If I'm being triggered, you would say, "Yeah, I just work with what is being triggered. Work it through until it dissolves." And then or let it be okay, you know? It's not about fixing it. It's not about fixing it. It's about returning to that it's okay. This is how it's showing up. It's okay in the end. It's all okay.

See when we work with triggers to release them it means that there is something wrong here and we need to fix it. But the way it works is not by fixing it but by allowing it to be as it is. It self resolves, self liberates the energy. You're not doing it. It's not you. It's not yours. It's not yours to fix. it's working

because then you can be working on this trigger for 20 years and it will still be there and the more you work on it the sticky it gets but you just let it be. So what languages are different? Yes, there are different words. It's the energy that is being communicated, the meaning that is being communicated. Doesn't matter in which language. See, we can sit in silence and there is so much communication going on that doesn't need words. Words may be helpful.

Okay. Yeah. So, I would say let it be when it comes in. You notice it. That's all. You notice it. You feel it. You acknowledge it and say, "Here you are. I see you. Thank you." Okay.

Okay. Thank you. You're welcome.

Oh, and there's a message that who is there? SP is from Germany. And there are also lots of great German speaking teachers and she or he uses them both. Oh,

wait.

Hey, would anyone else like to share explorer? I have a question.

Yes, Carol, please. Hi everybody. Hi. Um, I really can relate to Laura and also to Swen with the shame layer and I'm not good enough and hiding. Um, and I went to uh through through many deep shadows the last month. Mhm. Um, now there's an a really powerful energy arising from from the root. Um, and I'm explor exploring it in me and try to allow it. Um, but it uh it triggers a lot of fear. Mhm. [Music] like like it it would um I don't know the word it it feels like oh there's the energy that wants break break through and no control anymore and I'm not the the the good and the nice girl anymore. It it's it's really powerful and has a um

what's the English word form taste or flavor of something dark? Maybe it's dark because it's unknown. I don't know. Um so um yeah the last week uh weeks I'm really with this energy and then resistance energy comes and I hate everything. Um yeah wow it's a challenge. Well it's great because that means it's ready to self deliver it if it's coming up it's ready. Yes. And I can tell you one thing when the fear comes in that oh something horrible is going to happen or something scary or something unknown that is just going to be wrong or bad. It's just that it's just a fear. Yeah. It's like waiting waiting for fireworks and all you get is like nothing in most cases. Sometimes it can be bo body body movements and shaking or even screaming rarely but happens but otherwise that energy is is it's the mind that's holding it pressured holding it back that is the tension and when that tension is seen then the energy can come through and it's usually it's not so much noise nothing happens and Nothing real can get lost or nothing real is threatened. So it doesn't it's not going to affect your daily life in any way

like you are doing whatever you're doing moving through your day with that pressure pressure and without doesn't matter it's kind of like optional to carry that. So when the energy is coming in and and you feel it strongly and you feel fear or resistance trying to push it back, just remember that it's safe and it's actually good that it's here so they can pass through. That's why it came out.

So let's look at it. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Yeah. So we can close your eyes and settle in. We'll see. You are here.

Just notice breathing. Very simple being here. Breathing.

And let's invite whatever is ready to come in. Whatever is ready to be seen, experienced, explored, open, whatever is ready, just waiting. Now it's the time. Welcome. Welcome.

It's a feeling of overwhelming fear. Mhm. coming up from from the solar plexus in the heart area. Uhhuh. Tell that I see you. I see you here. I see you. What a strong and very interesting energy you are. Yes. Yes. Yes. You're welcome here. You can be here. There is enough space for you here. Yeah. Can be.

And thank you for protecting Felita. Thank you so much for protecting and for the care and for all the work you're doing. Thank you. Been doing such a great job protecting.

Oh, old friend. Yes, the old friend fear protecting something. Okay, good.

Yeah. And can you just take a look behind it and see what is there that needs that protection? What is it protecting? Just take a peek behind

vulnerab vulnerability.

Softness. Tenderness. Softness. Yes. Yes.

Can you tell that softness? I see you. Okay, you are. I see you. You're so gentle, soft, vulnerable, receptive.

You're beautiful. Tell it. You're beautiful and I see you. Yeah. Can you ask it? Is that fear still helping you? Do you still need to be protected?

Oh, it it feels like a prison. It doesn't like that here anymore. Okay, good to know. Good to know. What's surviving? Yeah. Right. Ask it. And what do you want the most? Ask that energy. What do you want the most?

Which one? Vulnerable softness.

This juicy beautiful energy. What does he want?

Wants to gift itself.

Yes. I'll say are you ready?

[Laughter] Slowly slowly tell it you're allowed. You have full permission.

You can come back to your natural state, natural form and whatever feels the most comfortable for you. Can play, can come out.

Oh yeah, that feels good. Yes. Well, say come home. Come home out of that prison.

The fear knows well it's done a good job protecting it but it knows that this energy doesn't want to stay in present

as are you ready to come out now yes it's it's an unfolding It's already unfolding. Yes. A leaf which is Yeah. Oh, just just in case, dar you know you're already free. You are already free.

That's right.

Yes.

Yeah.

Thank you. You're welcome.

So sweet. When these beautiful softnesses and innocences show up and say enough, I don't want to hide anymore. I'm all in. Let's live. Yes. Yes.

Yeah. Thank you. You're so welcome. Thank you.

I I see one hand up and it's Jen. Jen, please.

Thank you. Thank you everyone. It's it's incredible space. Um my heart is also pounding cuz I'm scared. Um

I can relate to everybody. I feel like I feel everybody and then I think is that me? Is that it feels like it's me? Anyway, um what I'm feeling now. Okay. So interesting. I got really really cold and so I got a blanket. Now I'm sweating like and I feel like this happens often. I'm very sensitive to cold and is it fear? I don't know. Then I could try and analyze it. But I I'm feeling a really cold and also sweating. Um

yeah. So that's where I am. Welcome here. Yes. The energy is it's like um campfire. We are sitting around this campfire and looking at the flames and whatever is blowing through. It's it's affecting everyone. So it's not you or yours like the fire is not you or yours. We are holding it like circling it. There's so much for it. Yes. There's so much and I feel it so affects me. Yes. You know when you sit by the fire it does affect everyone in in various ways not just heat and light. It's it's a connection.

So whatever is here just say yes. Yes. Thank you for coming. Yes. Yes. Thank you for coming.

You're allowed.

The cold is very disturbing to me. Well, it's here in case you wants to be seen. Mhm. Well, say welcome cold. You are allowed here too. You included can be

nast. What do you want the most? Tell me or show me what do you want the most.

Um, it wants to be felt, but it's very cold. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I don't want to feel it. Yes. Let's agree with that. I don't want to feel cold. I don't want to feel cold. I agree. I don't want to. It's not pleasant.

It feels contracted. Yeah. It feels like it makes me contract. Like my hands get cold and I want blankets and I It makes me contract. Yeah. Yeah. And do you have blankets, by the way? Do you want to put something? I got one. You got one? Yeah.

So it wants to be felt. Say all right code. All right. Here you are. Let's feel and just allow it.

You okay?

I'm ask what do you want me to know?

What do you want me to know?

Well, that I can handle the cold and I also have the identity of I don't like colds, which is such a stupid identity. Yes. Well, it's not you. It's just some old program running. Okay. It's not you.

Yeah. I've been very attached to that. How is it working? Well, I don't It's not really working.

So, what would you be if you don't believe that you uh you don't like cold?

Well, what comes up? I I don't know if I think this, but I would be cold. Yeah, sometimes.

Well, I don't want to be cold ever. Well, then I'm thinking of the coldness of a person. People can be cold or I can look at them cold

and I'm not cold. [Laughter] It's very very interesting. This whole process is so fascinating. And um Oh, can we give this cold a hug? Just a little bit. Warm it up a little bit. Like give it a hug. Here you go. Cold. Maybe you need a blanket to I have my blanket. No, the cold maybe wants the blanket. Okay. Okay.

Yeah.

Oh yeah. And I'm feeling like I want it to leave me alone. The cold.

Well, maybe you should move to Mauritius. It's not cold here. Yeah, I should.

But I can't just keep running from it. I mean, it is part of life. It depends. If if I'm here, I run away from cold. I don't like cold. And the only time I get cold when I open the freezer and we take something frozen.

feel good too, right? A little refreshing.

Yeah, we can't run away from it. Well, if you really want to, you can. But if you where you're living, it gets cold and you are cold. You know, what's the point of resisting it? Still cold.

It doesn't need to be pleasant. You don't need to like it, but you don't need to resist it either.

But yes, it is cold. What do I do? I put a blanket on. Get dressed. Put fire on. Eaters. Infrared heaters. That's nice. But what's the point to resist it? Because it's already here. It's not like it's going to go away because you wish for it to go away or because you don't like it. Doesn't care.

So I just work with it. Well, you let it be. Don't need to work with it. You let it be.

And I'm not it. No, you're not. You're feeling it. You're seeing it. You You're acknowledging it. It's not you.

You are here as the space in which all of that comes and goes as it pleases. By the way,

yeah, it just makes me shake and I just don't like it. It's okay to shake. It's just body responding.

Let the body be okay and the shaking be okay and the cold be okay and the heat be okay and it's it's nothing to fight against because these are these are expressions of life and they are not asking for your permission to be um and I go into my head and what am I going to do about this? How am I going to fix this? What am I going to do? Yeah. Yeah. Well, unless you move to Mauritius or somewhere like cold, then you have to live with it.

Yeah, I know what it's like because when I lived in England for 20 years, it was always this gray sky and rain and wind, cold wind and dampness. And I used to be miserable. And every every winter I would go into like Can I just fall asleep like a bear and wake up in spring? I hate it. I don't like it.

Yeah, it felt horrible. But eventually

I stopped being miserable about it and then I moved out of the country. First I stopped being miserable about

and and then I discovered these infrared heating um blankets that they hit you to the bones and it's like oh so good. Where were they before

and when you stop caring about it? I don't know. It's so much energy is going into fighting what is here. It's no use. It's waste.

Yeah, it's very simple.

So, how do you work with cold? You don't just stop stop putting energy into fighting it.

It's cold. So, what? Hot. So what?

Thank you. Yeah, maybe take an ice bath to know what's really cold. Actually, I did a polar plunge. I was very terrified and it felt amazing. It really was amazing. Yeah, it took a lot of courage. I never done that. Incredible. I recommend it. Thank you. It's difficult to get so much ice in here. Who knows what happens, right?

Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you. And thank you everyone who's here.

Um, doctor, doctor, please come online. Is that me? Doctor. Yes. I don't know how to Okay. No. No. It's Tammy. I don't know what happened. Okay. Hi, Tommy. Hi, Dr. Tammy. How are you? Oh, that is weird. Okay. I can't see it and I don't know how to change it, but I guess it doesn't matter. Um,

yeah, thank you. Um, yeah, I'm not sure if I'm clear enough to share today or ask, but um I've just um been experiencing just craziness. So, um I've been attending, you know, talks like this for a couple of months now and um I have some times where I see stuff and I can just be lighter and just watch life happening and stuff. I don't think I've had whatever realization needs to happen um of like I still think I'm a self and think I'm a chooser or feel like such. Um, but there are moments where I don't get into am I or am I or isn't it or isn't it and I just watch things happening and I'm kind of lighter and easier about things. Um, and now things have come back with a yeah, I'm like on the verge of cursing every second but with a vengeance. Okay. So um some health stuff has come up and um very inflammatory within the body and going to doctor's visits and all kind of stuff and then um and it's getting worse and not better and some stuff is getting better but then worse and I'm just like that may be causing an aggravation of it but um old patterns are coming up in terms of it's like coming to a head all my things I'm like no longer wanting to tolerate other people's behavior. fears towards me and kind of laugh it off or be spiritual or be the bigger person or be enlightened about it or be spiritual about it. I'm just like h I cannot explain the levels of psychotic rage going through my mind and body. I thought I was going to have a psychotic break the other day. I was just enraged and it seems like tiny things but it's like it's um long-standing patterns uh with all kinds of family members and I'm still very involved with a lot of them in different capacities and um and I know that I need to just look at everything differently but um but I'm like having a tantrum like no I want them to recognize that they're awful. and tell me so and tell me how wonderful I am and that is it. Like in other words, I know I'm being like funny about it, but I I mean like it's just um it's really unbelievable. And I just it keeps going through my mind and I keep wanting people to be different and I think in my mind if I just um if I just keep being I'm non-reactive. In other words, I'm always I I I stop and I pause and I, you know, I only respond to them rationally and calmly and kindly and I wait as long as needed till I can do that. So, I'm never, you know, turning around and just like slapping them literally or figuratively. So, it's like um and I'm just hoping that one day like everyone I'm like why does everyone think they're fine people? Like I'm hoping one day they'll just either be sweet or civil or stop whatever and I keep on or that I'll stop responding that it won't bother me anymore and I'll just be like this angelic being or whatever it is. Not angelic being that's taken to an extreme but just this person who's like yeah they suck. What else is new? And I keep hoping like and I keep giving my my heart like I put my heart into all these things. And these people when I kind of step back, they step back in to to kind of push at my buttons and let me know how meaningful I am and and get me sucked into service again and then again are gross. It's these patterns that repeat with a lot of stuff and just people on the street bumping into me and it just causes such rage and I'm like, "What is this?" Yeah. Something wants to be free. Yeah. I had enough. I want to be free. Yeah. But it it still doesn't want to. It still wants them to change. I'm like this 2-year-old. Like, no. No. You have to say that you're awful and I was really kind. Like, and I just um I don't want to let it go. It's or whatever. The pattern doesn't want to release, but it does want to release. And I'm just in this crazy crazy space and I'm like I don't know if I should go to like intensive, you know, therapy that will diagnose all this and tell me my patterns or if I just need to spiritually bypass and neither of them is working and I'm like no let's allow that rage here. Let's invite that rage here. Oh, you do not want this rage here. Yes. Yes, we you want this here. It's enough of trying to, you know, tame it. It's wild. It's alive and it wants to be free. It only wants to be free. So what does free look like? That I go there and turn over their table and say you it's got nothing to do with them. It's your inner state. It's that energy that you're feeling when you're pretending to be nice and civil and inside you're boiling because you want them to change the energy.

that's invited here because the other side of that is when I say forget it that's how they are and I just have to accept it then I fall into despair like a deep existential despair of why do I get up in the morning and give people my heart and then they just stomp on it. So it's like or they mock me and I'm like really I gave you such precious things why are you mocking me? What have I done to deserve this? I've never said an unkind word to you in my life. All I do is is help you since you're for all the time. So I just I can't get around it. It's either this huge despair not wanting to get up or it's this anger and I don't find a way. Yes. But the way is in going into the feeling. But can you just focus for a little bit and see where that energy is in your system or in your body? Where do you feel it?

So that's the thing. It's hard for me to go into the feeling. I go into the stories and then the rage gets like psychotic. Um, so I don't know if I'm feel it's more when I talk myself into it. Like if I start talking now and telling you the exact details, I'm going to go into like a frenzy kind of thing. So it's like, but let's just stay quiet for a minute. You can think whatever you're thinking. But just see where the energy is or the sensation in the body. When you're thinking these thoughts, what is the sensation? What do you feel it? It's okay. Safe to feel it. It's very very hard because when I listen to your voice, I feel like I'm on a wave in Maicius. So I I can get all calm. It's only when I talk myself in. If I would tell you all the details, then I get into this. Then I feel Why do you want to tell these details? Because every time something happens in my day, I have to deal with these people again and again they do something and again they don't cancel and they don't come and again they're disgusting after 10 hours of me taking care of their kid. I just am blow and then the land lady this and the this that I just it all adds up and is sitting on me and it's like a lifetime of this and I'm just like exploding. So the mind keeps repeating it. I don't know. I can't go into a loop and look at that. The mind gets into a loop and there is no exit out of that loop. It only reinforces itself. So the the way out of the loop is not through thinking more about that. Definitely not through adding petrol to the fire that is already burning. You can't extinguish fire by putting petrol on it.

So, it's more like, okay, I'm just going to zip it for a minute. Just stop. What happens if I stop? And then you can see the pull. How how it restarts again and wants to restart again and wants to restart again. And you're just like, okay, I see it. I see it. That's it. I just see it.

Then you take a deep breath.

People are not going to change because you think about them or because you want them to change. They just the way they are and you are the way you are.

It's not about changing or fixing or getting something from them to feel better. It's about seeing what's going on in you. I see it and I don't like it. So now what do I do? And also you said at the beginning that nothing changes with enlightenment. I'm like oh no no this is not going to fly. I am not staying in this hell. Something's got to change. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It just it's okay. It's all okay. These patterns are not bad or wrong. They are just here

until they are not. But for them to self- resolve, again, self- resolve is the key. It's not that you are doing it. It's that your attention is needed for them to self-resolve.

So what do you mean by attention? Because I'm always noticing. I'm always witnessing what I'm going through. I can describe it even when I'm semisychotic. It's not that I'm not noticing that it's happening. I just can't stop it. Yeah. Yeah. So you notice that you cannot stop it. Do you notice that? Yep. Do you notice that you want to stop it?

Again, probably part of me doesn't want to because it's a two-year-old that wants them to be nicer or me not to be upset, like you know what I mean? Part of me wants to resolve like but um but yes, you can just acknowledge that 2-year-old that he didn't get what he wanted. Yeah. Yeah. It's okay.

Can it be okay for a little bit? Maybe like 30 seconds or something. Can it all be okay as it is? Just out of curiosity. Let's see. Can it be okay?

Even resistance can be okay.

I'm hearing no, it is not okay. Okay, let's agree with that one answer. Let's let's agree with that one. I don't like this [ __ ] Yeah. Yeah. It is not okay. Yeah. No, I can listen to you for 30 seconds for sure, but if I think about it and think, is this okay? The answer is no. Okay. The first thing to acknowledge is that a resistance. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it says it's not okay. I agree. I don't like I agree.

I agree. And it's not here to be liked. Oh, it's already here. So, what we're going to do about it's not here to be liked.

It's here because he wants to be free.

And tell that energy you are free. You can be here. You can come and go. And yeah, why not? You're free. The resistance or the rage? All of them. The outrage. All of them. Okay, guys. Elona said you can be here. Go crazy. Have fun. Yeah. Go crazy. Yay.

Yeah.

It's a bit like um you know you're in a theater and there is a a play on a stage and all that play on the stage is here to be witnessed or seen and everyone is coming on on the stage and playing their part. The only part they know to play and you are here looking at them knowing that it's a play.

These energies are showing up and they're so serious, so deadly serious. They want to be heard and seen and oh, there's so much drama. Yeah. But they can be also this thing that addiction to drama, a wanting to be in the drama, just different words, same thing. a wanting to feel um

like a victim just for experiencing it, for knowing what that is.

And all these all these roles have to be seen for what they are. Just the roll. Just energy passing through. It's not you. It's not yours.

They allow. Did you say roll? Roll. Uh-huh. The roll. What's What's a row? A roll. R O L. Oh. O. Oh. Roll. Mhm. Got it. Sorry. Mhm. Yeah. All these roles. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're just playing the roles. And the only roles they have in the

So that's what I don't get. Like a in order to be calmer, I have to stop going into the thoughts about it because once I go into thoughts, it's insane. And b um if there's a pattern, I mean there are all these patterns coming up and they've repeated intermittently for years. So, but you're saying nothing changes in our personality after awakening. So, I just I'm doomed to have these patterns repeat. No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying once you see it, nothing changes because of the seeing it like taking your sunglasses off and everything is just ordinary the same. But with that, there's space there opens to allow all these energies to play out their roles, to play out their parts. So they self- resolve because when you're not identified with them, it's easier, you know, it's not you, it's not yours. It's just a show playing out. You're like, okay, that can be, that can be, everything can be. It's all allowed. It's already here. That means it's allowed. That changes. And with that, the pattern collapses as well. Whatever is is intention opens up and then there's more space. Then the next thing comes in and that's intense. Intention opens up and then there's more space. It's kind of a cleaning up process going on. And it's tricky because this is as I mentioned in the beginning that people think, oh, I didn't see it clearly because I'm reactive or because I have these horrible patterns running. No, it's just they it's time for them to clean to clear to purify and they need your aware attention. But if you go into the thoughts and keep feeding the thoughts and keep feeling the rage, the rage is not confirmation that it's true.

The rage is here saying that these thoughts are not true.

Do you ever find there's value or maybe this isn't your area, but do you ever find there's value into going to get like the people diagnosed or analyzed and then figure out the patterns and stuff like this and if they have a personality disorder or they're narcissist then there's no point in talking to them or expecting differently like is there any point in this thing or you think there might be a point or there's no point it just needs to be seen and and allowed to resolve or there's no no figuring out that ever needs to happen. I cannot prescribe anything for anyone because it's you who knows what's right for you. And if you feel the calling in your heart and you know it's right for you to go and seek some help, that's the right thing for you. There is no prescription here. It's your way. Whatever works.

But from your perspective, what you were saying before is that if these patterns are arising, it's not me. It has nothing to do with me. And it doesn't mean that I'm a bad person or did anything wrong. It's just patterns that are arising. And if I see them, they will self-resolve and collapse. Yeah. As long as I stop feeding them with the thoughts. Yeah. But you first you need to look at them from the presence from beingness not from the pattern from within the pattern not from inside the pattern because me you know what does word me refers to if it refers to the victim it's not going to come out of the pattern

but if you can stay in presence come and see this happening that's why I say stop when you stop can just observe and then from that place you see that it's not you not the me the image and the character or role it comes the the awareness comes from somewhere behind all that holding all that that's when they can self-resolve

it is a very big effort to not go into the thoughts again and words. Is that okay? Should I make that effort? In other words, yes. It's like training your mind. The mind is running wild. Mhm. Yeah. Yep. How how do you become a master of your own mind by training it? You notice it's going starting to create all this drama again. It's like, thank you. Good job. Five stars. Now come back. Come back to now. What's here now? Oh, I'm just sitting in the chair looking at the wall. Nothing's happening. Oh, really? Nothing's happening. It's safe. That's one way of training it.

Yeah. And another way is to, you know, when you can sit in silence and just in silence and when it comes in it eats all the rubbish out. That's another level. But this is possible. that that is not a work to do or things to fix. It's just immersing in silence so deeply that it eats away all the old that is no longer helpful and you don't even notice that.

But you know if there is a lot of noise here whatever needs to be done you know therapy I don't know whatever works for you to to settle in being able to sit still cuz the noise is always going to be there until it isn't. But it needs to selfresolve. It needs to resolve somehow. That's the thing. Cuz you see when it gets into the loop, it doesn't come out of the loop. It just keeps looping and it keeps going. Same old story, different year, different decade, same old story. There's no exit by going into there and feeding it. Yeah. I guess I keep on on doing kind of a little bit of what you said before of like I try to just go into peace and kind of just let whatever resolve, but then I feel like it just came to a head recently of like no, you can't just keep, you know, skipping over it and just keep being kind and going back to the same things. Something needs to change. But um one one thing that really helps is forgiving everyone for what they are. Like for example, can you be angry at a cat that it's not a dog? Would you be angry at a cat that it's not a dog that doesn't behave like a dog? I can't be angry at a cat because it's a cat. It's it's like this cannot be anything else. So these people around they cannot be anything else and being angry at them for what they are or who they are. It's like you know I'm angry at the cat that it's not a dog. It's not never going to be a dog. It's a cat. I guess we assume people have choice. You know what I mean? But um they don't like a cat. Can a cat choose to be a dog? No. It's not in this programming. It's running as a cat. It looks like a cat. It smells like a cat. And it's going to do a cat things no matter what I want that it would do. So, it's kind of letting everyone be as they are. And forgiving them if that's needed. Forgiving them for what they are. They are not at fault.

Mhm. But if I want them to be something else or some act in a different way and I'm angry because they don't, it's just my own battles with me within me. They don't even know. They have no clue.

And with the whole thing of like I kind of get mixed up with how to work on things because like the whole thing of there is no person and there is no doer and there is no chooser and there is no free will. It's like but then I'm supposed to sit and train my mind. So I get confused like can I do anything? Am I just supposed to say just all the different levels I guess get confusing to me of like just common sense or actual stuff or doing anything. Yeah, there is a point where this question if there is a self or not comes right right here and that's the time to resolve it. Mhm. But the things that we discussed just now that it doesn't need to resolve that but if it comes it comes that's when it's done.

I mean we can work with the emotions, we can work with beliefs, we can work with whatever is happening with and without that realization but when it's time for it, it will show up and you cannot do anything else but to look into them.

So in the meantime, do things like what you said before of like train the mind to not go into the thought loops. Like those are useful um rather than just trying to have some spiritual realization while my mind is being crazy. Something like that. Yeah. It's like little steps. Mhm. You know, we all going to the same place. Like a river goes to the ocean. The water is going one way. It's no way to stop it or or change direction. It's all happening already. But your life is in front of you. Your everyday life is here and it's just little steps and whatever needs to be taken is right here.

It's not like you are leading life. Life is coming to you. You are here. What needs to come in comes in. If somebody is annoying you, that means it's the right time for them to bring this up in you. So you can look at it. That's that's your path. It's unfolding right here. So sometimes it's time for human action on the human level and not um in other words, whatever life is presenting me today on whatever level, that's what needs to be solved. Thank you. Thank you. Very very helpful. Thank you so much. Oh, thank you. Thank you, Tom. Thank you. Oh, we have one more hand, Rosen. Sean, please. Hi, Ala. Thank you very much for your time and everything you do. Um, I really appreciated it and uh, thanks for inviting me. Um just I just it was really really brilliant the deep looking that we did at the start and that cleared out a lot and then you get to that point where you're just sat there with no thoughts, no feelings really going around and then you're just sort of looking and you just look and you see this sense of self and you know it's not it's not you. It's it's just a it's a thought or it's sensations or whatever it is, but it just and then there's the pressure behind the eyes and I don't know is there deep is there a deep looking exercise or something to try and release that um thought uh well just that thought or those sensations. I'm just just wondering when you get to that point um I'd love to hear your thoughts on that. Okay. See whatever is coming up is coming up because it's ready. So what I use I ask a series of questions which you can do yourself by yourself. Like first of all acknowledging it I see you. I welcome you. You can be here. You're allowed. And then I ask what do you want the most? And then you get something an image maybe a thought a word and you thank it for it and ask it are you ready for it? And if it's yes then you say are you ready now? And if it says yes that's it. Whatever whatever is ready to move through moves through. If it says no then you kind of negotiate and look look what's in the way and meet the next thing that's in the way. It's like like going into a tunnel remembering where you turned and just coming back to that turn and back to the turn. But everything opens up when you give it focused attention. So all these questions is about holding attention in the right way so that energy can move through. So if you feel that tension there just say welcome here. Thank you for coming.

Okay, that's that's really good. Thank you. I I'll work on that. I really appreciate that. Thank you. Yeah. Wonderful. Yeah, cuz whatever is here is for us to see. Yeah. And the most difficult things to see are the ones right here. Right. Cuz we're looking through always up. What's that? How to fix this? We're not looking at this. Like even like when you look with the eyes, the closer it gets, the blurry it gets. It's difficult to see the detail, right? I can't see. It's already blurry. How can I see it? But that's the one thing that we need to zoom in and focus and recognize what is there. And if there is resistance, this is important. If there is resistance, you agree with it. Yeah, like yeah, I don't like I don't need to like it. I don't like it. I agree. Doesn't feel good. Brilliant. Thank you very much. I really appreciate that. Thank you.