Avoid These 5 Spiritual Awakening Mistakes

Most seekers begin this journey with expectations — about how awakening should look, how it should feel, or what will be lost or gained. But these assumptions quietly block the very seeing they long for.

In this short talk, Ilona Ciunaite points to the five biggest mistakes seekers make on the path of awakening: projecting outcomes, fearing loss, doubting simplicity, chasing experiences, and dismissing what’s already here.

This is a direct invitation to pause the search and look for yourself. What is actually happening right now? What is imagined?
Awakening isn’t a distant event or a dramatic experience — it’s the simple recognition of what’s always been here.

Watch until the end to see how subtle expectations keep the mind spinning and how the simplest look can shift everything.

Subscribe for more conversations, guided sessions, and insights on the journey of awakening.
Join Ilona’s monthly live events and find more resources at https://ilonaciunaite.com
This video will help you understand how:
– Fear that “I’ll lose family/job/body” is a protection pattern that blocks looking.
– Mind objects to simplicity and prefers to analyze and build stories.
– Awakening is everyday living, not a final state or fireworks.
– Seeing “nothing” is a real seeing; don’t reject it because it is not an experience.

When you stop chasing what isn’t here and turn attention to what is, awakening naturally reveals itself.
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https://ilonaciunaite.com/subscribe/

Music by Valdi Sabev, Visit his channel for more calm and relaxed music 
https://www.youtube.com/c/ValdiSabev/featured

Websites
http://ilonaciunaite.com
http://liberationunleashed.com

Transcript

Awakening is a shift in perception of how you see yourself and the world. it a direct recognition of what you are, and what you are not. 

You’re listening to Awakening Now —
a podcast about the journey from seeking to seeing what is real
and living from that recognition.

This is episode number 112 Avoid these 5 spiritual awakening mistakes 

My name is Ilona Ciunaite.
I’m a guide, an author, and co-creator of the Liberation Unleashed community.
If you are in the process of awakening, this space is for you.

Most seekers fall for Spiritual Awakening mistakes and get stuck chasing an experience. The mind wants fireworks and misses the simple looking. In this episode I point to what’s here now and the common traps that keep you seeking.

Together with a group of seekers we explore expectations, the fear of “losing something,” the myth that awakening must be dramatic, and why seeing “nothing” is not nothing at all. Come closer to direct experience, where recognition lives in ordinary life — washing dishes, walking the dog, being here. Trust what opens and let it be simple.
Notice how fear of losing identity, waiting for grand experiences, and rejecting simplicity can delay your awakening.

biggest assumptions that seekers may have. Most seekers have expectations. I never met anyone seeking with not having any expectations. So, we all have some ideas about how what this should look like or how will I feel and there are fears with that as well that not I'm not going to get what I want. And we look at this tendency of projecting some desired outcomes. And the biggest mistakes with that as I've noticed is that on this journey there is a point where you have to look for yourself. You really have to put all the ideas on the side, all the expectations on the side and have a look for yourself. What is actually going on here? what is actually real versus what is imagined. And with that there may be a fear arising that I may stop functioning. I will lose my family. I will lose my job. I will lose my body. And whatever strange ideas about losing something may come up. It's just a prevention from the system. So you don't take that look because one look is all it takes for the system start shifting and dismantling. I don't know if you have been on that place in that place already or haven't yet or you recognize that in your experience or not but there is a certain place where it may say that it's dangerous to look or you shouldn't be looking. So that is one of the one of the mistakes that people may make. They just meet that turn around and go away. And that that invitation remains and year after year it can still be calling. But it feels like you get to the edge and then rather than go over the edge, turn around and walk away till the next time.

But these ideas about danger of of looking or danger of recognizing your true nature because something is going to get lost is just it's just some strange beliefs. But these beliefs are in a way of looking. Another another idea that another place of spot that we can arrive is seeing that is this so simple? Is it really this simple? It cannot be that. I don't know if that that place resonates with you yet or not, but it cannot be that simple. It's just the mind objects the simplicity of looking and seeing for yourself, seeing what is going on in direct experience. Because for the mind, for this apparatus, for this um idea creating machine, the simplicity is not uh desirable because it likes to elaborate, analyze, project, predict, think it, build it. And simplicity of looking is is has got the power to demolish all that to return this structure into the zero point of I don't know and for the mind this is not desirable. So if you find yourself in a place where you see clearly that wow can this really be so simple? It's a very nice confirmation that you are looking at the right place.

Now what the mind is going to do with that it's another question because it may take some time for it to settle into the simplicity or you can just simply reject it and walk away. But you can be be aware of that place now. So once you meet it or you met it already, you know what it's about. Another huge huge expectation and is in a way for so many people on this path is thinking that awakening is some grand experience and after that having that experience everything shifts and there is waiting for that expecting that and it's dismissing that awakening is not an experience it's everyday living it's being present present now it's not an experience but we hear so many stories about what happened to other people and how it appeared and the mind wants that he wants this big fireworks and something ah to tell story to have something to tell story about and with that idea with that expectation there is constant feeling of not enough this this cannot be it. You know, washing dishes or taking a shower or walking a dog, it cannot be it. This is not it. It has to be some kind of wild story worthy experience. And these experience come and go. Of course, they are just blips or the confirmations that something is opening up and that's how it shows up. But this looking or recognition of who you are, what you are, what is really going on here is not tied to any experience. And if you if you are listening to people on YouTube, everyone describes some kind of experiences uh in this nondual space. And they are unique. It's not like everyone has the same experience and you are missing that experience. It's just like passing a road sign. We all can see the same road sign, describe it differently and it can be met with lighteness as well because it's not what awakening is. Awakening experience. Yes. But these experiences they come and go. The states come and go. There is no final state. The recognition however and the simplicity of looking is so much more liberating because we don't have to wait for something else. It's already here.

It's already here right now.

And also some people would say, "Oh, I tried looking." Yeah. Nothing happened. nothing happened. This is another one, a subtle thing, but it's so important to recognize that when you look and there is nothing there, it's not that there is nothing there. It's literally seeing nothing.

So seeing nothing and recognizing that is kind of the thing.

But because the mind is looking for something, an experience, an idea, recognition, some kind of wow experience, when it sees nothing, it's no, let's not go there.

So often when somebody has a glimpse and and you are on your own and you don't know what that means or what happened and there is no really language to describe it and nobody's talked to.

All we have is just somebody else's opinions about what what it what it should be like. But it's so important to trust that what is appearing here is right. It's exactly right for you. When something opens up, it's not a small thing.

So the invitation is to

really look in your own experience and it doesn't matter what shows up like a content of it. What's going on here? Happy and happy blissful tragedy. You are here. You are here as the space in which everything unfolds. A space which holds everything. Whatever is flowing through, whatever is coming and going is just passing through. So invitation is to trust your experience and to trust the process and things that mind dismisses sometimes are the biggest gems or the biggest openings on the path.

So we can start looking at something that is obvious rather than looking for something that is not here and it cannot be found and was never here. So this this sets on the seeking for something else. But we can look at what is actually obvious. How about that? Just turning attention into the simplicity, the immediacy immediiacy of right here right now.

Because the answers are not in thinking or in concepts or in ideas or in avoiding the experience that is here. The answer is here. Yes. And sure thing there are many more many more common threads and common ideas that seekers have and you may have and you may recognize that yourself. But these are the ones that keep coming up recently. So I wanted to share this with you and hear from you. Does that make sense? Does that resonate? Have you been to any of these places? So, let's open the conversation and and hear from you and then we can explore what's going on.

currently experiencing an allergy due to a little bit of dust in my flat which is marvelous. So, uh I'm just at the moment it's I'm just thinking how it's great how the universe expresses its love in that way. Now, three or four months ago, maybe six about between three and six months ago, I wouldn't necessarily be speaking in those terms. Mhm. Do you know I'd be more a little bit more like sort of uh intellectual and like sort of uh using using like sort of psychological jargon rather than uh words like love for example. But I find that anything that any expression, anything that I that anything that is experienced, not necessarily that I experience is uh very is just a an expression of of love and it's like sort of in its most pure form. So um so I've got this allergy. I've got this around my nose, you know, etc. And it's it's just happening and I I've leared to drop the story around it. So, drop the me, drop the story. Uh it doesn't happen all the time, but it's part of an ongoing process. And it's it's just coming back to a raw feeling. Whether that be physical, whether that be more abstract, whatever it might be, it's beautiful. And in its puress and in in its innocence, it's just it's and it really is as simple and simple as like sort of dropping one one or for just one or two seconds just dropping the story and realizing that there's like on the course that we had before, there are hidden desires there that want to keep keep you there. I want to keep you attached to this identity. And I was trying to reconcile the idea of your protection of of everything. That's everything's not an enemy. Nothing's nothing's an enemy at all. And one of the biggest lessons that I learned was to drop the fighting, to drop the resistance. It's the fighting that's that makes all the all the the even the yeah buts the yeah butts uh are handy in inquiry to a certain degree, right? Yeah. Yes. But you've got to you got to do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Buts. Yes. But um but it's uh the point is that you get to that you get to a point where you think okay I've tried so many things and I've tried fighting this. I try and using the mind for this. I try and use in the mind for that in every single direction that I can think of and it's not nothing's things have shifted but temporarily and it's never been complete. So uh so the point is so the point I'm making is is that the the dropping the story is massive and to me I when I when I got from dropping the story to rephrasing it to dropping to uh unlearning to unravel to unlearn what you've learned already and because that's essentially what it means Mhm. is is just uh massive, you know, is the conditioning, you know, I've not seen through the illusion, but it's just so it's just so I can't say nearly there. Not really, but you know, it doesn't necessarily mean anything, but it's just something that it's

the nowness is just it's just all, isn't it? I mean, you're in a everybody else everybody's here, everybody's conversing, and we're in different types time spa. We're in different spaces in different time zones and you know conceptually it's all yeah conceptually it's all one time zone and it's all one uh it's all one space and you know I've I've taken quite a while to reconcile those things with what my conditioning tells me but it's still It's it's profound. So yeah, I'm uh I'm very much enjoying my uh my uh what you call it my allergy at the moment just in a totally different way.

Yeah. Surprise surprise that it can be. Yeah. Can be can be. Absolutely. And I was in I was an you know a hardline no not hardline but a I read the god delusion by Richard Dawkins etc things like that and you know very very intellectual intellectuality very cynical about you know I was brought up uh Catholic and no not necessarily any bad experiences happened but nothing really chimed with me in that respect apart from the fact that there may be some sort of higher force. So you know when you bring the esoteric things into it then that's when I think when it when when things start to become more intellectualized and more separate in a way. So in in this way bringing it back and without the rituals and without the dogma etc. and the beliefs that you so wisely said you know we need anyway not to demonize them. Yeah. Then uh but just not to identify with them. You can say that in a single sentence and it would make sense intellectually. However, it takes more than that. It really is experiential, isn't it? Really? Yeah. Yeah. Cuz you can't think your way into seeing. You have to look and see what's going on. Just if if we could think it, we could just read all these books and know it. But but that's all that remains. Just words about words about words about somebody else's experiences. Yeah. Because the looking is the one thing, the only thing that pops the pops the bubble that pierces the veil.

That that's all it is. The whole the whole thing is about looking and everything else is the dance around you. But that looking is it's not a one time thing. now. Yeah. Fresh. And that's what I'm saying. I suppose I'm not good at what what you would conventionally say cracked, but the crack in the code, but I do have a um you know, a better understanding of it. Yeah, that's interesting because what you describe what you are saying it does sound better. It's it does sound different. So this this idea I haven't seen through. It's just some old belief prediction loop, isn't it? Yeah. It's some old identity. Oh, I need to keep looking. I need to keep seeking. And it's great when it comes through live like this, you know, because then you can say because you've got to do that in order to to allow it to otherwise you're just spiritual bypassing, aren't you? You can just um you know allow things to come through even if they come through like whoop fish in the net there. Uhhuh. Yeah. And I I just I just caught one. Yeah. Yeah. What's that? Yeah. Yeah. I haven't seen through illusion. What are you? What are you, silly?

So, so yeah, it's definitely be it's definitely a a a um a seeing for me. It's a seeing. It's so so simple, isn't it? Can intellectualize it all you want. Yeah. And what even is intellectualization? Do you know what I mean? It's just like sort of, you know, you look at something like, you know, curtains or whatever and you go, you don't truly know what it means. You know, you don't know what it means. You you know, you might know its function within a certain frame of learning, but it's you just don't don't know what it is. Don't know what anything is. Yeah. And yet it's here. It's here. That's it. It just is. That's it. That's the only thing we can say for certainty here.

So, thank you. Oh, thank you.

Hi. Hello. Hi, George. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. I'm 85 years old and the problem is that I'm 85 years old. That is to say, my body is beginning to go downhill like an 85year-old. I can no longer do activities that I could have done either two or three years ago and my mind is going downhill. Uh I still think clearly unfortunately. Unfortunately. Yes. But um but I'm getting more forgetful. Mhm. And the real problem is I don't accept that. I really reject that. I want to be 50 again. And I know that's impossible. And I know I have a choice. I can have just gratitude that I'm still here and still alive or I can look to the future or look to the to see what's happening and reject it. And what I'm doing is I'm rejecting it. I'm saying you know this okay that's your choice. That's your choice. Well, yes, but I don't see it as a choice. that is um it would certainly be a lot better if I would just have gratitude. That is I've looked up the people who were born in the same year that I was. About 24% of them are still alive. So I can have gratitude that I'm still here and I'm in relatively good health. Yeah. No pain, whatever. Wow. And I I've also made the statement that as long as I am in good health and my wife is in good health, I will be happy. Well, I am in good health and my wife is in good health. But I'm not always happy. Oh, you want to be always happy? No, I don't want to be always happy. Well, of course, I'd love to be happy. I have no expectations there. But what I would I would really like to get to the point of accepting what is so. So what is so if I look in the past I'm you know I can't I can't walk as far as I used to. I can't um anyhow I don't want to go through details but anyhow that so that's what's going on with me. Okay. So let's accept that you're complaining. Yes that's a good word. I'm complaining also. I find that when I talk to my wife, I complain a lot. Yes, I'm complaining. Let's just accept that. Like, allow that. We're complaining. It's just a pattern. It's not you. It's just an old pattern keeps playing.

I'm sorry. Say that again. It's an old pattern that keeps playing. This complaining pattern. Yes. It's an old pattern that keeps playing. Yes. Yeah.

So, let's complain consciously. It's only keeping you in prison when it's running unconsciously. But if you complain consciously, it's what it's like. It's complain. Okay. So what I was doing when I is earlier I was complaining about the fact that I was complaining and what I see you're suggesting is just recognizing that I'm complaining.

complaining is like um it's one way that humans connect, you know, sharing the misery, sharing what's wrong, what I don't like. That's one way that humans connect. It's kind of people meet and if they share what's wrong in their lives, they feel like connected. It's everyone knows misery.

So it's a pattern that's societies are built like that. Cultures are built like that. Like it's normal to complain. It's completely normal to complain. The only thing is that we don't question what's what's good out of it. Does it make you feel good? Does it make other people feel good? Is anyone listening to these complaints and registering and making changes for you? Or is just mind noticing what is wrong, expressing that and saying, "Yeah, told you so. It's wrong." See, they they confirming it to me. It's wrong.

Yes, that's what I do. I complain. Now, what about the idea of just feeling and expressing gratitude? Well, you can't fake it.

No, I can't fake it. So, it's either you are feeling grateful or not.

But I can feel grateful that I'm still alive.

I can feel grateful that I'm in relatively good health. If I'm not dying. Okay. No, let's not think about it. Let's feel grateful. Cuz thinking I can do this, I can do that. What's about Look at that. Wow. I'm still here.

Yes. Life is still here. It's amazing. Wow.

Yes. It's amazing I'm still here. Also, I've looked at the fact that it's amazing that I even exist, right? That it's if my great greatgrandfather on my mother's father's mother's side had not been horny one night, I wouldn't have been here. I wouldn't be here. What a miracle. Yes. Yes. But seriously, what a miracle just to be here and just to be alive. Yeah. and having lived through so many years and having so many experiences. Yes. And the other thing I can do and I've really tried to make a project out of this is try to have fun. That is try to schedule activities that are fun. Instead of lamenting that I have only a few day a few weeks or a few years who knows how long left. Why not instead just schedule activities that are fun and maximize the pleasure I can get out of whatever time I have left. Well, that's so wonderful. And I think I heard this somewhere. Have fun.

Yes. I guess. Oh, I guess I have nothing else to say except that I'm frustrated in the sense that I've always wanting to wake up and that hasn't happened. Then maybe it won't happen. I don't know. Yeah. Well, when do you when this idea drops that I want to wake up, you find yourself awake because even the word want, it says I don't have it. I don't have it. I want it. But I can't drop that again. It would be a fake. I really do want it. And I really have the thought I don't have and I want it. That's what's real for me. That's what's that's what's true. Yeah. So, let's go into that wanting. That's the way in.

Can you just want with all you've got?

Yes. I can do that. Yeah. Let's just want for a little bit. Just feel that wanting deep deep deep wanting. Okay. Yes. Wanting. Okay. All right. Very good. Thank you, Luna. Thank you. You're welcome.

Cuz

what happens if you find yourself awake? Then there is nobody to complain to, no reason to complain.

Yes, that would be terrible. And nothing to complain about. I know. I don't know if you're familiar with Gilbert and Sullivan, but there's a song in there that someone lament. It's part of it, his one of the operets, someone complains that they've got nothing to complain about. Oh, yeah. That's I haven't heard the song, but I know the feeling. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It's so beautiful. Sometimes I meet people for for months and then one day they come on a call and I say, "So, what's what's going on? What's cooking?" And they say, "Oh, I don't know. I have no problems." I'm like, "Wow, if that's the only problem you have, you you are free. I have no problems." Ouch.

Yes. Thank you.

But this mind's tendency to look for what's wrong is really built in built in by repetition years after years after years.

So one one time I was I was in a car with somebody that I never met before. It's just like a neighbor, but I never met him before. And he's giving me I lived to a town which is I don't know half an hour drive. And I'm sitting in that car. I don't know what to talk to him. And he's so quiet as well. So I find my mind looking around the fields. It's like countryside. Just looking around and thinking what should I say that is wrong? what should I say that is bad or what I don't like wasn't he wasn't looking for you know some positive conversation or even curiosity about the other person was like what should I say that is wrong and when I saw that it made me laugh I didn't say anything to the person but for me myself it was kind of a joke yeah because when it's quiet and there is some another person you want to say something the first thing is like what what can I complain about

just you know sun is shining grass is green birds are singing nice countryside beautiful day end of conversation right

so it's nice just not to say anything at all just listen to the to the music in the car and not spread the ideas of what is wrong, you know.

Oh, that was a little story from my life.

Okay. Would anyone else like to share, explore, say something, complain about something?

Yeah, I've got a couple questions. Hi. Hey, thank you for doing this. Me, too. Yeah, I've been spending some time on the Liberation Unleashed blog, working with Stacy there. And yeah, I've done a bunch of the exercises and I've seen

I don't know, I've done like the hand flipping and I'll see that nobody's really controlling it. I've uh even had this weird experience where I saw this feeling of I is just a thought that gets sort of labeled onto experience after the fact. Mhm.

Yeah. I don't know. I just keep looking for the self looking looking. I never find anything. I have these like cool experiences I guess. Then after the experiences, I always just feel like, oh, I'm just back to me again. Um, yeah. And I still just feel like I'm just my normal self, basically. Uhhuh. And is there idea that you would not feel your normal self?

That you shouldn't be feeling your normal self?

Yeah. I guess there's like this idea that there's supposed to be a shift or like I should be experiencing things differently in some way. Yes and no. It's not that the things change. It's where you're looking from that shifts. But let me let me bring this to the very simplicity of what is going on here. And it's about seeing what is actual and what is imagined. For example, when you were a little kid, did you believe in some kind of Easter bunny or Santa Claus or some kind of magical creature? Do you remember? What was it? What was it? Um, I believed in Santa Claus. Yeah. So, do you remember how you found out that Santa Claus was not real?

Yeah. Yeah. My mom told us one day after bugging her a bunch. Ah. Uhhuh. So, you interrogated your mom and she confessed. Yeah. She cracked. Okay. So, what happened then for the Santa or to the Santa? What happened to the Santa?

Um, yeah, I guess there was like some inkling of like Santa's probably not real, but like it felt like it was just confirmed and then that belief just like yeah, disappeared, I guess, or went away, right? Did you need to go to look for Santa to make sure that he's not real?

No. Why not?

Cuz I knew it was just like a belief. It wasn't real in the first place. So there's nothing to find. Right. Precisely that. Yes. Because it was a belief that he's real and then it was questioned and recognized. They was just a brief. Now when you are going to look for a self or something that doesn't exist, it's like going to the North Pole looking for Santa.

So belief hasn't dropped yet because he's still looking for something that doesn't exist.

So what do you look for the self or what do you look for the eye?

I guess there's still some something around like control or like agency like I'm choosing where to focus attention or like having some type of intention that controls my actions. Do you choose intentions? That's a good question. Do you choose intention or do you notice it when it it's either on and off?

Yeah, I guess I just notice it. It's like, huh, it's hard to give up this idea of control though. Okay. Because it's really not a It's not control that you are giving up. It's wanting to control.

One thing to control. That's all it is. One thing to control.

The idea of control is not controlling anything. But there is wanting to control. Wanting to hold on to the idea of control in order to feel safe.

But then let's bring it all to experience right now because the looking and recognition can only be here now. What are you controlling right now?

I don't know. That's a tricky question. Oh, no. It's very good question. It's not tricky at all. It's like really, come on. What are you controlling right now?

Are you controlling the air, the the colors, the sounds, the temperature, the lighting, the sensations? thoughts, maybe emotions. What are you controlling right now?

Yeah, I can understand like intellectually that I'm not controlling anything.

And what's the experience? Look and experience.

[Music]

Yeah. Everything's just like arising, I guess. How do you do that?

[Laughter] I mean, it's not me doing it.

See, the crazy idea is if I let go of control, something will fall apart. or or life will collapse or things are not going to get done or whatever story the mind is creating about it. It's just that it's a fear showing up as the story saying, "Oh, don't look. Don't I don't want you to recognize this because then the game is over. Can't play this anymore.

But if there really is no self or there is no separate entity managing life happening, why would anything change? If it's not here already, if it's not here now, why would anything change?

Yeah, it's like the Santa thing like nothing changes.

Okay, thank you. You're welcome. It's really a joke. We in in this kind of joke where the mind creates the game and plays the game and doesn't want to be found out that it's not real.

The game look like this. Me the person wants to awaken. so that the me, the person would disappear or that I would get rid of a person. It's really weird because the me doesn't exist already. There's a story going on about me awakening, trying to get someone to awaken to get rid or get detached from the person which is just complete mind fabrication. It's very weird story when you start looking at it

because it already knows somewhere that me doesn't exist. There is no me. But then there is this me that wants to see that there is no me. It's like um twisted story about Santa that wants to recognize that it's not real.

What kind of movie is that?

Yeah.

Thank you, Braden. Hope this helps a little bit. Yeah, for sure. Thank you so much. Sweet. You're welcome.

Oh, we have two hands. Swen and Tammy. Swen was first. I make it quick. I make it quick. Don't worry. No worries. I think my uh I tried to turn on the video, but uh I I've experienced problems with Zoom before. I think it might not turn on. Okay. Uh what did I want? I resonated strongly with your introduction. Yeah, I can can say that. Um, I just wanted to speak just the challenge was just to speak to be honest to appear. Uh, and what else? Uh,

uh, I have the realization I don't really want to let go of my story. Exactly. I don't want to I don't really want to get rid of it. I want to keep I want to keep suffering. This is fun. Okay. You You're afraid to keep suffering. don't have to look. Yeah. You can you can suffer all you want, you know. Yeah. That's you don't have to get rid of it. It's one of the last realizations really that you really want to uh have it the way it is. You tell yourself a story, oh, I really want enlightenment and end of suffering. No, you want to keep it. Yeah. Because that's Where identity lives. That's where identity lives. For me, it's still me and my pain. Me and my pain. Yes. That's the identity. Exactly. Yeah. Who would I be without my pain? I would be nothing. Something like that. But if you want to be something with pain, you can be something with pain. That's the game that mind is playing. Yeah. It's like also something about being right. I want to be right about this something. Yeah. Yeah. That's that's also a hidden desire. Being right kind of I told you. So see yeah I've heard that before like do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? Can't have both. Yeah. You want to be right, you have to keep fighting and defend and attack case. I don't I didn't really ask the question, did I? I just wanted Well, you just wanted to say that you want to keep suffering and I say, "Okay, why not?" The thing is when you when you when I start talking to somebody like this, I I just become aware of my own blind spots as well. You know, that's you just comes into consciousness. you see it and then oh okay it just helps to talk about it anyway I wanted to give Tammy some time okay thank you thank you lovely to see you again okay Tammy please hear me not see me yes

um Tammy hey Lana hi

good to see you and hear you and um I guess I just wanted to check in. I resonated a lot with some stuff that you said at the beginning and um I guess for me just to check in and say um uh what I've been experiencing lately is keeping on doing some inquiry into this kind of stuff and experiments and attending meetings and stuff and um um yeah I think I was attending a lot of them for a while and now a little bit less But um just a feeling of a lot of tension in the body, a huge buzzing and I think um kind of a lifetime of trying to solve it and turning to thought and trying to get up the energy and and the motivation and to go go go kind of to solve the things. Um and then I find myself kind of stuck. that's a little bit dying down, but not enough. And there's just a lot of discomfort or pain a lot of the time. And it wouldn't even be so terrible except there's just this contraction in the chest and the posture and I can't breathe and I try to solve it and then there's despair and then I get ramped up and ramped up. In other words, I don't seem to be able to get out of it whether I try to ramp up and solve or whether I try to relax into it. And then sometimes on meetings like this, by the end I'm kind of a lot more relaxed. Um, and there's a relaxation, but I can't seem to cause that on my own. And whether I go into mind, whether I go into exploration, whether I try to accept it, whether I take a walk, no matter what, it'll be there for an entire day or for 10 or 12 hours or for two days. Um, you know what you can look at? Yeah, there's one thing you can look at. is your relationship with without contraction. Your relationship without contraction,

not the contraction and and sensation itself because it's there, right? And looking at it, you may relax for a little bit. But there is also your relationship with that sensation or your thoughts about it, the feelings about it. So if you look there, what do you not um it's not it's not just like neutral. It's not like oh everything is lovely and then there's a small contraction in the chest. It's like uh like the whole body and mind is like overwhelmed and and contracting and trying to solve it and trying not to solve. It's just this big. What's the relationship? You want to get rid of it. You want to change it. I want something. I want relief. I want relief because it's unbearable to live like that for long periods of time. So I either want to accept it or get rid of it or not care about it. something like whatever enlightenment idea anyone has or whatever relief idea anyone has, I've tried it. You know what I mean? Like I try it. I try accepting it or loving it or releasing it and it's still there. I'm like, "Okay, I've tried all the things. Now what? It's still there. Now what?" It's just look at your relationship with it. Pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing. That builds the tension. Stop pushing. But that's the thing. The nature of it is the contraction and the push. It's not even what I'm doing. It's like it's doing itself. Yeah. You know what I mean? And you can see that you can let it do its thing. How about letting it do its thing? How about setting it free? Can do whatever it likes.

That whole storm of the body, the mind, the psyche, the emotions, the trying to stop it, the not wanting to try to stop it, all of that. Like, yeah, can do it all at once.

It does, but even that doesn't seem to solve it. Like now towards the end of Oh, yeah. That's Yes. It's still trying to solve it. How about just letting it be the way it is and letting it do what it does?

Not trying. How is that different than my whole life? Okay, let's not think about it. Just let it be.

But it's always been. So what is the difference in doing that? Just letting it be. It's always been here, so it can be continuously forever. Letting it be cuz pushing doesn't work. As you see,

I guess at this point, I'm not sure what's pushing and what's not pushing. In other words, wanting to get rid of it, wanting to change it, wanting to solve it is pushing. But I can't help that either. Yeah. So letting that also be.

So it all just was yesterday and today and now towards the end of the meeting there was calmer. But I just and then I get upset because it's like now I'm calm. Why can't I do this without Alona talking? It's like

that's that's also I believe

Mhm.

that is feeling it like you need something external to get relief. Mhm. What what you need is literally letting it be

opening up yourself more, giving it more space because it's tight anymore. It's still open.

I I don't seem to be able to relax into it. That's the thing. And then I get really upset that I can't seem to accept it and relax and open. Well, then can be with that contraction as it is without trying to change it. You know, um a simple example would be when you pay attention to breathing, it changes. Did you notice that? If if you're breathing all the time, but as soon as you pay attention to breathing, it changes. But what if you can pay attention to breathing and letting it breathe the way it wants to breathe? It's like unbearable. It feels unbearable because the breathing is so constricted and the chest is so contracted and I start to spin. How can I fix my posture? But I can't fix my posture because I can't exercise because I'm sick. And then you go into your head and trying something that doesn't need to be fixed, but you you can let it be. That's the secret. It's not letting it go. It's not pushing it away. It's letting it be. Why doesn't it need to be fixed? because it's not broken.

It's doing its thing and you cannot fix it. Mhm. The one thing to fix it is tension. Letting it be allows it to self-resolve eventually. And there's no way of knowing if this will go on for me forever or if it will resolve. Let it be. Stay forever. Then if it goes great, if it stays great. But if you let it be, then you make space for it. Integrate it. Cuz see, with this process, there is a lot of energetic stuff going on. It's not just mind waking up. It's the whole energy system is rewiring and there's no charge there. So, so the idea is not to get rid of the charge but open yourself more so that charge is not feeling bad. Non-resistance is letting it be. It makes sense because sometimes I feel much more relaxed, but sometimes I feel like I'm getting worse. And so that makes sense. You're saying it can bring up a lot of charge and stuff to go through this process. All right, that explains some stuff. But trying to let it be feels like fighting it. It's saying, "I want to close. I want to close. I want to contract." And I'm saying, "No, no, no. Open." It feels like fighting it. No, no, it's not open. Don't Don't even do that. Oh, okay. Letting it be. What that means? Letting it be. Letting it contract and buzz and everything. Yeah.

Just letting it be. Allowing it here, meeting it as it is.

Okay? Cuz it could go on for a day or two. It just seems a lot of time to be able to let it be. But give it 10 years. As I say, let it stay here forever. It's the time. Time is another constriction that doesn't exist.

Say, so what? It can be here forever. If you decide that, then there's all almost immediately more space around it because it can be. Mhm. All right. Well, you saying it's part of the process is encouraging. Maybe that'll help me to allow it to be. So, yeah. Thank you for you being Elona. Thank you. Thank you, Tammy. Nice to hear from you. And thank you. Thank you everyone for staying with us and for sharing just being here. And I will see you all very very soon again in a couple of weeks. We can see what else wants to unravel. Um bye for now. Thank you. Thanks Luna. Thank you. Thank you. Bye now. and things.